It’s just like at least anxiety is pretty normal. Paranoia feels almost evil
Oh do I relate to the paranoia. You know that I do in fact know what that is like. Even these days I hallucinate and delude my share. There is no magical miracle pill yet.
The fact that you recognize these thoughts as symptoms means that you are much healthier than you know. Well, now you know how healthy you are! You’re in good company. Even the highest achieving of us people with schizophrenia have these struggles.
I know it hurts, but you are actually healing! My therapy is painful. My lifestyle is painful. The pain is that which comes with healing. The other kind of pain is what we do not deserve to put up with. The depths of psychosis and not realizing any truth. That pain is not just pain for us, it is pain for other people who witness such pain. It tests morale and resolve of even the most dedicated, motivated and resilient.
And you are reporting the healing kind of pain. I can tell the different kinds apart. I have experienced them and still do. And some crap about being a an ace psychology student or whatever. That just helps me put these thoughts into words in some cases like right now.
Be strong. Hold on to your strength. Intellect is on your side. You have the sword against this illness; you have insight. Medication and professional help is the shield. Looks like you are getting everything and should be good to go soon.
You will have to fight.