Since my first break, I tried to hold down two jobs and quit because of paranoia and inability to do my work at a reasonable pace. I also went back to college for engineering and got good grades until I broke again from stress. I was off my meds at the time because I told the doctor I thought my first psychosis was drug induced. It might have been but I doubt it. I can’t concentrate and I forget and lose things all the time. I am trying to improve myself with cutting out bad habits but I can only do so much. Hopefully my psychiatrist will let me take Modafinil or something similar so I can stay awake. I am worried that if I get a job I’ll quit again because I fear getting fired, I don’t want that conflict. I will try to get three more jobs before I consider it but I have no idea how I will function in the state I am in. I just keep pushing myself and fighting, it’s a hard battle. I want to be able to work without being in mental agony. Other than eating out, I am good with my money and use it to fund productive activities.
I am also applying to jobs now, if one of those doesn’t work out I will get employment from my support team.
Hun if working is affecting you this badly then i would seriously consider a bit of financial support, help to cover the cost of living.
Maybe get advice from advocate and mental health service
Im sorry your struggling so much i know how hard it is trying to make it work from one job to the next x
Ask for help. Do you have a case manager you can talk to about how to get support through all of this?
Yes, I would only take SSI for a year, just so I can buy books and equipment to learn programming and electrical engineering at my own pace. I hope to be able to test out of many of my college classes. I think it would be the most efficient use of my time. In a year I will be stable. From my research I would get $300 - $500 a month which would cover most of my expenses. I can’t afford another depression, mania, or psychosis while working and especially at college. Unfortunately my family is not on board with government assistance, they are very conservative and don’t understand the severity of my illness.
Trust your own judgement. You have to do whats best for you!
I have listened to my family and I think they are pushing me too hard out of fear that I will become complacent and do nothing with my life. I have dreams goddammit!
Theres such a thing as being pushed over the edge
Its good you want so much with your life but remember how important your mental health is too
Yes, I hate to blame my folks but they don’t understand that this isn’t the type of problem that is overcome with sheer willpower. It requires time to heal. For only having this a year I have worked very hard but they just don’t see it. They think my depressions are laziness, and that not being psychotic equates to being fully recovered.
You can take our advice or leave it
Were not doctors we don’t diagnose people here??
I don’t know much about you so i can’t comment anymore
I’m sympathetic to your situation. A lot of my family are hardcore conservatives too, and wouldn’t take my situation seriously if they knew. It makes everything much more difficult. I’m sorry you don’t have more support and understanding.
That’s understandable just using this forum to develop my plan. I just wanted to know whether I could trust my judgement, I think I can!
I meant see a doctor firstly
And second if your family are rubbish at understanding then trust your judgement
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