Tough love time @mermaid1,
I feel like you take a lot of pills (benzos).
Is it possible to cope without them?
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I’m sorry to hear your day has been so rough, but I’m glad that you are feeling at least a little better.
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Just recently I have been taking a lot more because I can not find a solution.
I am waiting to see my doc so I test out some anxiety pills. I can quit Benzos because honestly it feels like they are not doing much at all!
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Good to hear.
Its just that we’re relatively young and taking benzos does more than get you addicted to the actual drug,
It gets you in the habit of taking something for anxiety.
Anxiety is all the time,
And its best not to associate it with a drug.
Know what I mean?
Not trying to be a jerk,
Just watching out for you.
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Guys what do you think? what should I do in this situation.
I am not sure what are his intentions, like I said, I am keeping moderate distance. I like him, he said he likes me/ has feelings for me, he seemed so happy to get back in touch with me after one year, but it seems there is no outcome or any possibilities of something real other than some online company I guess? 
We have exchanged some pictures, and some other stuff. Honestly if my boyfriend spent some time with me I would not do this. But it is unhealthy for me to keep doing this.
What is the next step?
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Move or stay with your boyfriend
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Thank you @anon54386108
Sometimes it is unbearable and I do not care much other than some relief because the intrusive thoughts that are in a dialogue on my mind is pure poison ruining my life. It has been going on for such a long time, I need a solution.
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Honestly, I don’t think it’s a good idea to maintain this long-distance relationship, if that’s what it is, especially considering you are with someone. It’s one thing to be online friends and such, texting and all that, but if it’s a romantic interest that’s a little different. I don’t know, that’s just my two cents, you can take it or leave it. 
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it’s not a relationship, not sure what it is. But I agree, I don’t want to continue as well.
I guess I should be honest and tell him that tomorrow. It makes no sense and I can not figure out what he wants.
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Have you tried asking him this?
Have you tried asking your current boyfriend this?
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How should I ask him?
He is very evasive and a bad liar. Not sure what he will say.
I will just write something like ‘I need to focus on real life’
Yes I have asked my boyfriend ‘what he wants’ he is a strange type of guy. Takes care of me and tells me he loves me but we are more like good roommates with good companionship I guess. He is not romantic and I guess he is secretly asexual.
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Just we did here.
Sounds like a personal problem.
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I’ve been wanting to watch the movie called orphan. My bf told me to look it up on the net.
Yesterday I felt happiness and positivity and hope and some peace even.
Thankful for that.
Today I am seeming positive aswell.
Blessed be hey😊
I have started to do five minute yoga in the bathroom.
I do not want to disturb my bf so I do it in the bathroom.
I only remember a few positions but something is something.
I sometimes pray in the bathroom too.
Was also happy my man was not called out yesterday.
I am listening to destinys child Christmas CD today.
A pretty upbeat carols which is nice.
Carols can be so amazing and touching and also jolly.
A month ago or so I sang staffan var en ställe dräng …
Staffan was a stable boy we thank
…
Tip Tap tippitippi tip tap
I still have symptoms but despite that I have been feeling so grateful and so happy I can do what I can …
I want to have relationship zzz with my family and others.
Love to all of you guys!
Wishing you a lovely day/night.
️:pray:t3:
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Caved and bought a pack of cigarettes 
. At the rate I was burning through Black and Milds today I wasn’t really saving myself money by smoking those instead of cigs. Well, maybe I will do better with this tomorrow … I hate that I am so addicted.
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Oh my gods, its so cute!
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She gets very excited when I actually let her watch tv. She’s obsessed with the BBC cartoon Sarah and Duck. OBSESSED.
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Well,
Just found out my husband is going to be very late getting home…
Why?
Why wait until I’m putting dinner together to tell me?
Oy vey,
I’ll let him live,
This time…
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I know this is a common Yiddish (at least I think it’s Yiddish) expression, but it always makes me think of Monica Lewinsky. If I remember right, that was the title of the book of Jewish humor that she gave to Bill Clinton. I don’t know, just can’t help but think of Lewinsky when I see/hear that.
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