Hey y’all I hope your day has been okay.
I’m home from work, got myself a pizza bowl from the Marco’s next door after I locked up. Got it with chicken, bacon, tomatoes and spinach. It’s good.
It was hot here today, 92°F this afternoon. It’s probably around 80° now. I’m in my bedroom with the door closed so the window ac can cool this room down more effectively. It’s warmer in the living room.
No, my grandpa died in 2022. It started after I had a massive panic attack after smoking laced marijuana at the end of high school. I dont worry about heart attacks all the time. I do worry about it a decent amount of time. No need to say sorry for asking questions, I appreciate you trying to help Catman.
Just took .5mg clonzapam. Thankful for medication as a tool for my symptoms.
I just began thinking and worrying about heart attacks. I got the results of my recent lipid panel back, and my “bad” cholesterol (LDL) is high. I’ve never had that issue. Well, my HDL (good cholesterol) is also high, though high HDL is a good thing. Also, I’ll turn 46 years old in October.
meant to yap about this here,
helped my roommate lift a couch to the house the other day. the distance was kinda far from the people who were throwing it out’s driveway to the house. my back hurts as hell and i kinda feel bad that we had to stop so i could breathe so many times-roommate was pretty chill about it but i really felt weak. we did manage to get it home at least.
I also had a panic attack after smoking laced marijuana and developed the same hwalth anxiety about heart attacks. It truly felt like i had one and then i started believing i had died from it. My health anxiety subsided ahen i started confronting it and learning more about the difference between typical heart attacks and typical panic attacks.
What’s up night crew??
I am finally back home from being at my moms. I had to take a giant massive dump when I finally came home. I hate the toilette my mom has. I’m still gassy but finally feel somewhat relieved.
I’m trying to find new music but can’t find anything that’s good.
How are you guys doing?
mood’s stable but i’m realizing i’m always at minimum sort of stressed out, hah.
spotify’s great for discovering new music in my experience?
I’m currently listening to spotify.
Small amounts of stress is healthy they say.
it keeps me grounded in small amounts but it more oft than not feels like it’s too intense. i kinda wish i was a happier person but life experiences considered i was always gonna turn out like i did. conquering self-hatred feels diabolical
Just don’t be too hard on yourself.
Do you use a lot of caffeinated products?
i have 200mg a pill caffeine supplements i take (400mg a day.) i think i should chill out but i really hate how drowsy i am while on my antipsychotic (olanzapine.)
I’m also on olanzapine and have started to fall asleep during the day.
I bet it’s the caffeine causing you to feel stressed.
i feel like it adds to it, yeah. i don’t think it helps my likely CPTSD/possible BPD at all either.
i’ll go tomorrow without caffeine to see how i do, i think. i hope i’m less pressed but i feel like it’s a universal constant that i’m not having a good time, ahah
If you quit caffeine cold turkey you’ll have withdrawals. Headaches, being tired and cranky etc…
i should be fine, i don’t really actively crave it and i haven’t ever, i sorta take it cause i get scared about my performance while i’m up throughout the day.
that and some insane part of me is convinced that it’ll make me uppity and less depressed and then it doesn’t do it. i don’t know why i bother
@Moon @TheCanuk I once smoked cannabis that, unbeknownst to me, was laced with PCP.
For y’all who don’t know, PCP is angel dust, phencyclidine.
I drove 45 minutes home like that, freaking out the whole way. It was bad, and very dangerous. I ended up in an ER that night, where they drug tested me, of course, but never told me the results.
I found out at my next psychiatrist appointment that I had tested positive for PCP. That 
is wicked.
In my country they sell something called spice. It’s genetically engineered weed where they change the THC molecule. It comes with a lot of bad side-effects.
Yeah most people around here called it “K2.” Say what you will about real cannabis, it’s nowhere near as bad for you as K2/spice. That stuff is bad news. Idk if it’s even still sold in Michigan, hope not.