I see the doctor about the lump on my leg today and Iām starting to feel ridiculous. Like, itās probably something super dumb that the doctor is going to laugh at me for.
Heās just a pea brained bird. If I accidentally get too close he thinks Iām invading his territory. Heās too stupid. He doesnāt know Iām not a threat. Iāve knocked that little ā ā ā ā in the head b4 and he still comes after me.
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Good morning all you beautiful people!
Iāve been watching a lot of videos and reading about the dark side of the film industry.
I donāt think I want to be a ādirectorā or make feature films anymore. The film industry is just not for me.
Maybe Iām discouraged by all the terrible things I read and hear?
Anyways, Iām happy just considering myself an experimental filmmaker and making nice little short films.
I hope you all are well.
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I didnāt know the film industry had a dark side. Go figure. Is that why you donāt want to make films now?
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Oh, yes. The film industry is basically a business. And itās probably the absolute most worse business to work in.
I mean, other businesses sort of make sense to work in. Bio-medical, non-profit etc. Those businesses have a sense of ethics. Ethics are something that totally evades the film industry.
I still want to make little shorts, and maybe a feature length documentary.
But I donāt expect to make lots of money. And I never want to be famous.
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I think youāre being wise.
The industry just wants to make money, chew up and spit out artists for the sake of making a buck.
Retaining integrity and not falling victim to Hollywood magic.
I believe your focusing on the bad side a bit.
As an Independent artist you can work outside the rules of big film. Youāre able to retain a lot, but youāre limited to what you can do.
I also believe in your passion and think itās a great project for you. Youāre being wise in seeing the industry as a whole, good and bad. I believe you can set anything you put your mind to, and if you want to make your film, youāve got a llama whoās rooting for you
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Thank you my Llama buddy!
Iāve got a ton of reading to catch up on.
I started a directing actors book earlier this morning. And my cameraās manual is practically like a novella haha!
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Good morning, yāall! Iām a bit tired, didnāt get as much sleep as I would have liked, but the coffee should take care of that.
I hope you all are feeling well today. 
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I hate this disease, I wandering off in my head, and for a few seconds I planeshifted.
I was in a wheelchair, Unable to move my arms and legs well, I felt old. A woman was walking towards me.
I came back after that, snapped out of it I guess. It wasnāt as bad as my planeshifting to hell, just weird.
My first instinct is to fall back on my old beliefs. Need to remind myself that Iām just sick, and these things arenāt real.
A denialism of an unhealthy though, followed by a replacement tool, retraining yourself. Basis of CBT isnāt it?
Wishing everyone a good day
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Hey my Llama buddy!
Iām sorry youāre having a tough day. Iām sort of having a rough go of it also. My main voice I hear is sort of acting up, along with my paranoia.
But I think what you describe as CBT is fairly accurate, but Iām not too educated on CBT.
Stay strong my friend. Weāll be okay!
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solidarity
Iām good, I can handle a vision or two. This llama is strong! Just gotta use my tool. Itās cause Iām alone today, I do better with someone here. itās strange
I know youāre strong too! Sorry about your voice, and the paranoia. I hope it backs off.
Anything I can do to help?
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I feel ya my dude. I often do better when I am around people too.
Oh, I canāt think of anything I need. Just good old friendship and people to chat with.
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My mom was a redhead. I think Iāve seen her angry like 3 times my whole life. She just didnāt get mad.
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Hiya all. Quietly reading the threads to catch up. Slipped disc in me back is playing up again - so i stink of deep heat and done nothing but lie on the sofa lol. Gonna bribe the neighbour i think to run the hoover round and tidy up.
Heads been totally silent today - so thats a bonus, but im still gonna keep my meds increased, to be on the safe side.
Loving the meme thread on here - your making me laugh too much and its twinging my back! lol.
Just wanted to say hello 
And thanks for supporting me - with my wobble yesterday. Cheers x
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I thank the gods for finding this forum, Itās a huge support system and Iāve gotten to meet cool people like you.
We stick together.
You guys are always close when I need to talk and process, I use my phone, and always have that.
Good chatting with you beetles buddy, Iām gonna go try to focus on a video game and distract.
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Yāall know that if you boil your teabag in a big pot of water for like 5 minutes you only need 1 teabag for a whole big pot? The trick is boiling
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I need to get in the bathroom, need to shave, shower and brush my teeth, but I keep putting it off. If Iām going to meet my goal of being out of here by 12:30 (45 minutes from now) I need to get moving soon. The only reason I want to leave here that early is to get to campus before the heavier traffic starts, around 2:00 with some of the factoriesā first shift ending at 2:00 or 2:30.
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Iām hanging out with a friend who is usually concerned for my wellbeing. I donāt know if I should tell them about my depression and the everlasting urge to self-harm, or if I should shelter them from the worry
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