I think if I just see me as beautiful the way I am I will become more beautiful. I am constantly trying to change to make up for my imperfections. I am trying to change my personality, I am trying to change how I look. If I just accept that I am who I am I will become perfect already. It will be a lot less anxiety too. I accept a lot of people despite their imperfections so why shouldn’t I accept myself?
Then again a lot of people I reject because of their imperfections.
But if I accept myself better maybe I will accept them better.
I don’t know why I felt the need to become more “perfect” when I was 19…oh yes I do know, because I hooked up with this girl and she told me I was “perfect”…and then I started going out with another girl and I was constantly chasing her. By chasing her, I was chasing this image of me being perfect. Because really I was chasing myself rather than her??? But by chasing I was just running away. Because I wasn’t always like this!!! I used to view myself as fine just the way I was. I didn’t strive for much in life. I didn’t change at all ever. As a result I was different from my peers growing up. I was underdeveloped. But I was happy!!! It’s like I was more enlightened before I thought about enlightenment. Less egotistical before I thought about ego. It was thinking about these things that made me strive for perfection that does not exist!!
Now I have made strides, but learn to accept myself before I can see real results.