Some of my most powerful, upsetting memories, i remember as if I were an onlooker.
Last night, I got caught up in a loop of memories about my cat dying, and some of them - my cat pressing his forehead against mine and holding it there for what seemed like forever, standing in the lobby of the vet’s office after he was put to sleep and hearing my sister and roommate assure the receptionist that I had someone to drive me home, sitting in my kitchen and hugging his cat bed as if it were him - all of these memories I see as if I’m an onlooker watching myself.
Does this happen to anyone else? I can still find the real memory if I try. It’s painful, but it frightens me to think about losing the real memory.