I don’t understand myself. I couldn’t stick to my new sober period. The first two weeks felt great, then everything seemed devoid of meaning, like living in a ghostly world, no solidity only shadows. Today I relapsed into drinking alcohol and poppy pod tea (opium), and felt like hell, but at least I could feel something.
Now I don’t know what to do, these intense mood swings are getting on my nerves, but I think I will reduce my drinking to a nightcap tomorrow, and if I fail, I have to take antabuse / disulfiram the day after…
In recent years I have been on and off antabuse, and that might be the only solution left for me. A mix of sober periods mixed with short periods of drinking. Accept my vulnerability and addiction and do at least some damage reduction.
PS: i’m an old geezer, 54 years old. If i was young i would put all my effort into getting my life straight and sober. Now i just have to reduce pain and try to increase happiness, i have got no other goals. Dreams, ambitions, are gone, I’m too old for that.
Thansk for the suggestion, @everhopeful , but I’m not good at social meetings, and A.A. is a very small community in Denmark, Copenhagen, i don’t know if they exist at all - it’s not like in the states. I’m getting a very good help in my rehab center where I regularly talk to a brilliant nurse.
Thanks a lot @everhopeful . I will contact them, because the site is a bit complex about dates and when new people are welcome. All to gain and nothing to loose.
I promise i will try.
Do you know if they are used to people who are alcoholics with such a heavy diagnose as SZ?
Hey there @bluebutterfly, you don’t have to be very social to be a member of AA. It helps but you’ll be sitting among a bunch of alcoholics in meetings, many of who did a lot of antisocial things in their disease and may not be too social themselves. The beauty of AA is you always have someone to call 24/7 when you feel those cravings for alcohol and they will offer support and talk you through it. And AA is a pretty tolerant and openminded organization and welcomes anybody, irregardless of age.
AA calls alcohol cunning, baffling, and powerful for a reason.
Besides not drinking, have you changed any of the habits you had when you drank? If you are mostly doing now what you did before, that does leave you at a high risk of relapse.
In any case, you’re in a new day so do what you can today.
Very interesting, @shutterbug I had prejudices like A.A was a sectarian cult, but it doesn’t sound like that,
Thanks. @Wave@Quehead and @77nick77 - it sounds like something i could youse, but @77nick77 - i am not a hard drinker, im not drinking hard liqeur, i am always tipsy when i drink, but never wasted, and i always thought of A.A for a place only for heavy drinkers, is that a mistake?
I am trying to change my habits, reading again, excersising, but i haven’t changed my habits that much, i noticed when i was sober i was more physical active
