Im 29 and in recovery from addiction. I reached out for help upon the suggestion of a friend out of state. I’m in transition and moving here. Eventually I have to apply for in-state insurance and leave the medicaid system back in my home-state. I started Lexapro a month ago 10mgs each morning. My addiction counselor already wants me to increase it to 20mgs. I’m doing a tele-appointment with my psychiatrist back home in WV so I can get a refill of medication and do the appropriate in state evaluations. It is a headache. I can’t fill Abilify here or it is over a thousand dollars without medicaid covering across state lines. I have Unicare Medicaid but its insured in WV and I’m moving to Florida eventually.
I’ve been in Florida about a month and a half since early July. I’m worried that I am not getting appropriate level of care for my mental health. The rehab is for co-occuring mental health and drug addiction. My issue is more mental health than drug use but the treatment has done wonders for me. I have seen a huge lift in my mood and stuff. My main issue is I am sleeping often and am struggling to find a job and live here even in a community I’m scared I won’t be self-sufficiant.
I want to glorify lexapro but am also worried. My label was changed from chronic paranoid schizophrenia to schizoaffective disorder to bipolar 1 over four years. I’m an adult woman with little job experience and I don’t feel entitled to financial support because I’m led to believe i don’t qualify or deserve it. I have been living with a chronic illness since age 16 but was diagnosed at age 15 in WV. I think they covered it up or got rid of my mental health records. Things I notice that make me still think I have schizophrenia:::::
I have paranoia if left unchecked, I get suspicious, my delusions are in check but if I dive into conspiracy theories etc I can be consumed by them and paranormal stuff. My issue is I have to rationalize everything, so that’s how the brain works. If I experienced something supernatural I wouldn’t be shocked by it, I would rationalize it because I have schizophrenia. I couldn’t explain it to anyone, telepathy or time travel or anything like that but I hate having these experiences. I want to be normal and not have them anymore. I want to believe in God but not have to see people in my dreams before I meet them. I’m tired of knowing when people will die or the next tragedy will happen. Being psychic conflicts with my mental health.
Lexapro helps my mood. I can actually feel something. Before that I was completely numb, could only cry and empathize but felt empty. Now I feel normal almost. I still struggle with empathy and apathy. I truly do care about people but I can’t feel compassion normally if that makes sense. That’s not depression, that is amotivational syndrome due to schizophrenia. How do I reach out and confirm I have schizophrenia despite the fear and stigma associated and how do I continue to treat my apathy and depression without being diagnosed with a mood disorder and not recognized that its not ADHD not Bipolar not PTSD not GAD not Autism it’s Schizophrenia. But no one wants to acknowledge this because I applied for assistance.
