So I work part time at a retail store. I’ve worked here for 5 years. Every holiday season things ramp up, we all get through it and rejoice when it’s over. That process is to be expected.
This year however is proving to be so incredibly unsustainable. Corporate is not providing the proper hours for sufficient coverage, we don’t get extra time to do the extra COVID19 related duties, we are expected to hit the same goals despite not having the same opportunities to, we don’t get hazard pay any more,we don’t get bonuses anymore, customers are constantly pouring in angry because they couldn’t get through on the phone (corporate hasn’t scheduled enough people to answer phones), we have a higher volume of customers than any other holiday season to date as a result of COVID and so on and so forth.
I love my coworkers and even management is great which is a rarity in retail, but I feel like the multimillion dollar company that is supposed to be getting ahead of online competition by being the best “service oriented” brick and mortar option, is just screwing over the people who actually do all the service. I am too weak to just buck up and handle this.
I have panic attacks in the shower before every shift now. And I cry in my car when I leave for the day. I can’t deal with this and I can’t leave without another job in place since I’m not eligible for benefits. No one will hire me except places that will likely work me harder than my current job.
I’m just so burnt out. I’m out of other options as well. It’s brought back the suicidal ideation that’s been gone for quite some time now.
I hate to say but if it wasn’t for the one person I truly believe lives a happier life because I am here, I’d be dead.
•••
Okay rant over. I’m not sure I’m looking for any specific response with this post. Just needed a place to put this. But feel free to reply if you’d like, it will be appreciated nonetheless. And thanks for reading if you made it this far.
I am so sorry you feel like dying…don’t do it man…it’s always a mistake and you end up hurting all your family and friends more than you will ever know…I’ve had two attempts…now I live for God and I am happy…I have hope…find hope…
If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.
You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.
Thank you ninja. I think I will ask for more frequent sessions with my therapist. In the meantime, I’ll tell my SO to take me to inpatient if I fear for my health beyond ideation. I’m stable enough to at least have that conversation.
All my life i worked in retail and i know what you mean. I mainly worked in fast food restaurants in UK and the rushes we were having were insane. Sometimes I was on a till and i was talking so much to the customers that my mouth turned into sand. I was sweating all day on a grill also and the worst part we had to do 2 hour reataurant cleaning afterwards. I only left the job because I relapsed and now working at a cafe, but due to covid its shut down and I live in a small town now. I would recommend some med switch maybe? If you are having panic attacks - depakote is great and works almost instantly, it has calm suithing effect. Also you could try SSRI OR SNRI that is mainly for anxiety and panic attacks but takes around couple of weeks to feel the effect. Also you can use xanax to use small dose before the shift for a short period of time.
When I worked retail, I was a bottom rung employee, so I just ignored all the talk of what we should be getting done, what our goals were, etc. I just focused on doing my tasks until clock out time, then went home and relaxed. If you know, and your managers know, that it is not physically possible to do the amount of work they ask in the time required, maybe you can work on changing your personal expectations. Work at a reasonable pace without overburdening yourself, check things off the list one by one, and when your shift ends, leave and refuse to think about work.
I will also say that my friend who has been a bottom rung retail employee for 10 years recently decided to embellish her resume a bit, and applied to a bunch of jobs that paid 80k or more at random, and she actually got a job as an office manager making 85k with benefits.
It’s tough. It’s really tough. I think the people up at headquarters of these large corporations are so out of touch with what’s really happening. They’re not there for the rushes and the deep cleans and they think “how much harder can it be with this small change, and this one… and this one and this one”.
I actually don’t take meds. I have quite a few valid reasons for not taking them. Meds are particularly risky for me personally but I’m actually thinking they may be worth the risk. I’ll bring it up with pdoc and see.
I am there. I do the bare minimum to not be fired. Management fortunately isn’t making a big deal of goals because they’re in the trenches with us and they know it just isn’t realistic (though corporate still comes down). It’s just the people. The customers I mean. They need more than I can provide and they’re upset with the processes that we are forced to use. That stuff isn’t their fault. But because I am the person who is front line and customer facing, I get the brunt of the anger and frustration.
Sometimes they’re unrelentingly mean to me when I just want to help. Confrontation is a huge trigger for me so this is all taking an especially taxing toll on me.
I dunno. I’m ranting again but I’m just at such a loss on what to do. Maybe I’ll look into LOA or something. Idk.
Sorry to hear. You are doing a great job working despite the times were living in.
Plus your working while having a mental illness. Be proud of what you have done!
