Well here I go, two and a half weeks ago I had to go in on an emergency appointment because I was hallucinating like crazy and very depressed, unable to work and function very well. So now my follow up appointment is tomorrow and I am unsure of what to say or ask for. My depression is just as bad as it was during my last appointment. My last appointment I went back on medication for the first time in a few months. We went back to Geodon 40 am and 40 pm with the plan to move up to 80 in the pm if I was handling the dosing well. So after a week I moved up to 40mg in the am and 80 mg in the pm.
I am still dealing with voices and shadow hallucinations but things have gotten calmer. But my depression is off the charts bad right now, I’m very suicidal but I’m afraid to tell anyone because I really am trying to avoid the hospital at the moment. I really can’t afford to lose out on any more work days. I’m suicidal but I have no intent on acting out on my fantasies if that makes any sort of sense? So maybe I’m not truly suicidal I’m just fantasizing about not being here any more.
So back to the topic what should I say to my pdoc tomorrow? Should I ask to go back on an AD? I also haven’t been sleeping hardly at all most nights and I’m wondering if I should ask to go back on a sleep aid as well.
If you say you feel suicidal but have no plan the people I see don’t say go to hospital. I don’t know how your team works, but since I have homicidal and suicidal tendencies, I just say I’m going it, I have images of it, but I have no plan at all. I’m honest, and it’s just the understanding we have. Do you have a safety understanding with your team?
My team is still relatively new to me, I’ve only been seeing them since November of 2019. But I think @raelyn218 and @SkinnyMe you guys are right I doubt I’ll get hospitalized without having an active plan.
I would be honest that suicide is something that has been on your mind but you’re not planning on doing it. I personally obsess about suicide if I don’t take Rexulti. My old pdoc knew about that and didn’t hospitalize me over it. This way your pdoc can see you need an ad right away. Good luck. I hope it goes smoothly for you.
@Joker I get only one week after my one year anniversary and that’s not till August. I do have some money in saving now so I won’t completely bottom out if I take time from work but I’m trying to stay in consistent work. I don’t want to lose my job
Yes I agree that it is possible. Unfortunately I have a very high stress and attention requiring job. It’s hard to listen to patients when I’m hearing jumbled voices coming from behind me.