he was an abusive, neglactful parent when I was growing up! Un-fu*cking believable!
I have never told him that before. I am 48 and he is almost 76. We were talking about my little brother (34) and my dad was complaining about how he is overweight and awkward didn’t keep a clean house etc. I just said it. I said “well, he had an abusive childhood. You were abusive to him.” I also told him that I raised myself and that I had been grossly neglected as a child. I told him to accept my little brother the way his; fat, dirty house and all. He said that he was so frustrated that he was ready to just let it go anyway. He did not disagree that he was abusive. He stared down and just kind of nodded. It was weird. Not in a guilty way but in a “ya…well, what’s done is done” way
I could say so much more but I can’t organize my thoughts. I am still shaking! I told him he was an abusive parent. f*ck me. wow…
You waited all of those years to avoid having that hard conversation with your dad, but when you did have the conversation it turned out to be the easiest hard conversation you’ve ever had.
He needs to let it settle in. Like a lot of abusive parents, I think he was/is in denial that he was abusive. He may still be in denial but he didn’t defend it. I love my dad very much. I think the fantasy of him offering full accountability and an apology is, exactly that, a fantasy. He still wants to believe what he did was right BUT I did say it and he didn’t counter me.