No one ever told me, "You can't do that because of your illness"

I just don’t remember anyone telling me that. Even in my multiple hospitalizations they never said to me, “You’ll never work, you’ll never go to school etc.” Obviously, when I was in the hospital I wasn’t functioning but I still never heard those words.

I know I can’t do everything, but I don’t focus on what I CAN"T do, I focus on what I CAN do. I have done a lot of things in my illness that I don’t think twice about. Buy a car and drive? Sure. Go see Pink Floyd in concert? Sure. Take an Amtrak train for 150 miles to visit my dad? Yes, I’ll sit there with my Walkman and eat little pizza snacks and look out the window at the Sacramento river. Find a job? Done it. Drive my sister to the airport? No problem.

My family just assumes I can do things and in my 35 years with paranoid schizophrenia they are right 90% of the time.

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My mom always tells me she refuses to see me as a sick person, that I can accomplish just as much or more although I have this illness. And you know what? At the beginning I thought I would be incapacitated for life, because that’s the “image” of sz from the outside, but I don’t feel like that.

Being diagnosed was hard, but in the meanwhile it opened a lot of doors for me and brought be something I never had, focus on the future and real plans. Before meds and the diagnosis I never wanted to accomplish much, now I want to accomplish more than I wanted before.

The recovery path meant to be sober also, which gave me a new found meaning. It’s something I value more than anything right now, the recovery route my life has taken.

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Well, we’re both lucky that we have our families who support us. My family sacrificed a lot of their time and energy to help me. Good luck in school, Minnii. I’m glad you’re taking this disability and turning it around for something good.

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I have had some doc’s give me a bleak and no hope prognosis. I even had one doc tell me ages ago that school and work would never be an option for me…

Sometimes I get really angry about that… other times… I have to shrug and think… maybe who I was back then … he was right… but since I’m not who I was… just let it go.

I know I’m lucky because I do have a good family who never gave up on me… even during the times I gave up on myself.

Here’s to getting as far as we have…

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