Why do I play with some thing which have no proof of existence.
Because of which I cannot justify my actions anywhere.
I still remember when I told my pdoc,
I have a plotting mind, he was shocked.
I still remember his expression. Then I thought about what I said. And rephrased it saying plotting mind means people plotting against me.
After that he relaxed.
Still to this date, I wonder why was he shocked.
Does people with sz can develop a plotting mind? Rather than being plotted.
Have you guys thought about this ?
Yes I know its so hard in the mids of all these issues in hand.
I have done both. But since there is no hard evidence. I can not prove any.
Why the hell life is so complicated.
Or
I made it so complicated.
I think that people with sz think too much. For better or worse it is what it is.
I used to worry why my shrink never bought into my delusions but I learned after a while that it really doens’t matter and it’s good policy.
I was crazy. That was obvious to my shrink. Too me it was my reality. Those two things were never going to meet!
I think, I have to just do my thing, instead of overthink.
But over thinking of unusual stuff make me feel good more than actual reality based thinking.
I feel I am trying to take the easy way.
Yeah. It’s a hard process out of it to into it so to speak. We tend to worry about things like meanings behind actions…about things that aren’t real to others but are more real to us. It’s a journey. Keep positive and keep moving. I like to keep moving forward. Staying still isn’t so good in my book.
Thanks.
Got you 
I struggle with persecution delusions. It’s a long story. The short version is: They’re still a pain in the butt.
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