Hey just found this forum and would like to introduce myself. Im 30 years old i have fought mostly successfully with voices visions delusions hullicinations paranoia and loneliness aslong as i can remember. i recently lost control ended up slicing my left palm open with a knife to stop it from ripping out my left eyeball with a guitar string. I spent 2 weeks in a mental health facility but kind of boned myself I was missing my family and told the doctors what they needed to hear to let me go instead of getting the more complete help i need. I was told i have schizophrenia and have been going to centerstone for therapy and medicine. So far the medicine is proving to be ineffective feeling very discouraged about trying anymore i think they are trying to poison me. I have recently picked up a small opiate habit. Loratabs make me feel less paranoid and help with the new depression. I know self medication especially with an opiate isnt my best option but i want to die much less after i take a loratab. I feel hopeless i am losing my sanity more everyday and do not want to burden my soul mate and child with having to take care of me. I know they love me and i love them. I still have some hope for functionality and my family is doing their best to be supportive but i try to hide my monsters from them and have no outlet so i figure this forum might allow me to vent to people who have heard and seen similar things and might have advice on various subjects. Sorry for the book i hope to be a productive member of the forum and look forward to whatever happens.
Welcome. Ghost is awesome!
Thank you. I agree on ghost where they wear a mask to express their monsters adding to their show while remaining anon. i too wear a mask but mine a smile and it is to hide my monsters so im not judged.
Bienvenidos. Welcome.
Welcome to the forum! I dealt with constant visions and delusions for two years straight. After trying most of the atypical APs my doctor recommended ECT. For the first time in years I had relief. It may just take finding the right med combo for you, and they’re not trying to poison you. It’s been over a year since my last ECT treatment after receiving them for three years and now the meds have left me symptom free. Use someone you trust as a reality sounding board and trust what they say. Sz is tricky because it causes us not to trust the people we normally would but you have to fight this.
I can also relate to using opiates to feel better. I’m not addicted but I definitely play with them. I give my mom my prescription bottle and am only allowed so many a week. I have legitimate pain so I can’t really stop taking them all together as they help me function but having my mom hold them really helps.
Things will get better. Good luck to you! 
Welcome to the forum!
You are very welcomed here! Hope you enjoy the stay, very supportive community.
Indeed, welcome, it is a safe place, and good to know others are here and care
Hi! Nice to meet you! I’m HQuinn.
I understand that you seem to need opiods desperately right now. I feel like I desperately need cannabis to alleviate the accompanying negative symptoms and ptsd stuff i have going on, so no judgment.
I just want to check if you have any resources for getting off opiods? Like a treatment facility, education about withdrawal, stuff like that. I was on a benzo a few times and the withdrawal was terrible: I cried I hurt I could barely live. I wouldn’t want you to go through that.
What if the meds kick in three months? It always took at least 2-3 months for my schizophrenic symptoms to vanish and an additional 2-3 months to regain concentration, motivation, and contentedness. Then again, I also take anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills, along side the anti-psychotics.
Welcome!!!
Thanks for making me feel welcome. The opiod issue is not frequent enough to cause withdraw. I guess i kind of binge taking a couple a day for 2 to three days. I also take gabapentin, ambien, anti psychotic. They all help on “good days” but if im having a terrible day it seems only a couple tabs will pacify the monsters. Im new to getting help so i havent found that magic combo that makes it bearable yet. Soon i hope and if i find something that works ill stop self medicating. Preciate the thoughts and concerns.
Have you considered trying CBD oil? (the non-psychoactive component of marijuana and industrial hemp) It’s being used experimentally in scientific studies to treat psychosis. It’s remarkably effective with no apparent side effects.
could you talk to a doctor about switching to a different AP?
I too lied to get out of the hospital, I shouldn’t have but it was nice to be home with my partner after a hospital stay.
I suffer from voices nearly all the time, it’s terrible. I’m schizoaffective bipolar type so I have a bit of a different diagnosis but hopefully you won’t mind talking to me.
First of all welcome to the forum. It helped me immensely.
I tried the same thing at about your age and it spiraled into an ugly addiction of 300mg/day. Ended up on methadone and nearly cost me my life. These are dangerous drugs. I agree they help with symptoms but are not worth it in the long run. I suggest you look for an alternate. Withdrawals can send you into psychosis. Be careful. Very addictive stuff.
welcome, like 15 characters long
Welcome aboard flameofthernine. The forums here are very supportive and many can relate to similar experiences as animalchin indicated.
Personally, I do not take medication very often. Matter of fact, generally only when hospitalized. It is very tough to deal with at times. Many of us are reluctant or were reluctant when it came to first receiving treatment. So far it has proven an uphill battle without medication. I cannot advice you not to take treatment. Matter of fact, many here do well with medication. Usually I have to be completely sober to deal fairly well without medication. This means no imbibing alcohol especially in excess, and no smoking of any sort. It is tough. Since I began smoking again it has become increasingly more strenuous on the mind. May you find the forum helpful, it has been proven to be a key support when it comes to dealing with mental illness.
Welcome and I hope things get better for you quickly
You both look like Malvok and it trips me out… especially when associated with the phrase “feeling optimism.”
Welcome @flameoftherhine.
May I wish for line spacing in your next long post?
Like this. Write about 5 rows and line break. There are several among us, including me, who can’t read long texts because of inability to focus.
Thank you. 
I hope you will like it here.
I’m happy about your positivity. A positive mindstate rules. 
-have a good day take it easy
dude you have GOT to stop the opium. Opium is a slippery slope that eventually blooms into total addiction. You are not “safe” just dabbling in it. believe me, once it gets you in between it’s jaws it’s not too long and you are being crunched up completely…please seek advice from you pdoc to see about getting off the opium? good luck. I am really worried about you.