It’s now less than a month until I get my surgery. If all goes right, I will be cured. If all goes okay, I will be stuck with the symptoms I already have, but they won’t get worse.
There is a very low chance of anything going wrong. If it does, though, it will go very wrong. That is a terrifying thought. I don’t want to die, or lose all limb function, or, even worse, lose my ability to think clearly.
I remind myself that if I didn’t get the surgery, those terrible things would still happen. They would happen slowly over several years. They would be unavoidable. It still feels like I’m gambling my life, though. Like I’m going double or nothing. It feels selfish. There are people who need me.
My surgeon is confident that my case will go smoothly. His success record shows that he is right to be confident. There’s always a risk, though.
I think anybody would feel that way. Is there a way for you to concentrate on hobbies, movies, seeing friends and family or anything else to distract you as much as possible? I know it’s easier said than done.