Well maybe I got the texts wrong. I thought they were all from your mom. I meant you could ask her to stop texting after you give her some reassurance.
The texts were all from my mom.
Please don’t be so sure.
Your Mom does not sound well at all.
It would be a good idea to check up on her once in a while at least with a text.
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I blocked her. I don’t want to get any more texts from her saying bad things about my dad and stepmom. My dad and stepmom are really good people. She shouldn’t be saying bad things about them.
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Maybe show her this thread. If i were in her position id probably want to know what your honest thoughts are.
Good for you. Going no contact is the only solution to dealing with a borderline, and it sounds like your mother is.
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Borderlines frequently act out by attempting suicide.
It’s a real issue with borderlines.
I was married to a borderline female for 7 years.
She attempted suicide in her previous relationship.
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I know they do. But there’s nothing @anon21849028 can do to prevent that. Borderlines use suicide attempts and threats as manipulation tools. I have a borderline mom, and I had a former friend who was, too.
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Yeah my mom lives in another state so I can’t stop her from committing suicide. She said she was almost suicidal so I don’t think she’ll actually do anything to hurt or kill herself. She was just really upset for some reason.
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s exhausting.
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Thanks @Pandy. It is frustrating and I don’t know what to do to help her. She told me before she’s not mentally ill so she won’t seek help.
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Yeah. My mom won’t get help, either. It’s frustrating, because BPD is SO treatable, via DBT, if only they’d be willing to admit a problem and go get some treatment – but they blame everyone else.
My mom has narcissistic traits, as well, and that’s NOT treatable.
I can’t go full no contact because she’s married to my dad, and I love my dad and still want a relationship with him, even though he is technically her enabler. So I just go emotionally no contact. She (mostly) doesn’t bother me anymore. Or it bothers me and I can let it go easier.
Just remember – it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
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Also – it’s not your responsibility to fix her. She’s an adult, and getting help is on her.
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It’s really not your responsibility to prevent your mom’s hypothetical suicide. That’s a ridiculously inappropriate thing for her to put on you, and it does make it seem like more boundaries are absolutely necessary when dealing with her.
Don’t let her guilt you like this. It’s manipulative and callous. And I have no idea why some people here are defending her. It’s just as fair to set up boundaries against a toxic mom as it is toward anyone else.
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You should let her know the suicidal hot line.
Any kind of suicidal cry is serious.
It takes guts to tell people that your suicidal. Especially to their children.
Maybe you can ask @Ninjastar for the numbers…
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If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.
You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.
International crisis hotlines:
Crisis hotlines in the U.S.:
More resources:
Thank you 151515
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You should never tell your children you are suicidal. That’s using your personal issues to manipulate them into caring for you. It’s extremely stressful to have a parent unload their issues on you like this, with all the impossible expectations that are communicated with it. My mom has done this to me a lot and now I just ignore her when she says it. That’s a healthy way to handle this. Don’t support her manipulative behavior, please. Support setting up healthy boundaries.
This isn’t @Nightowls responsibility at all. If they think it’s better for them to block her, that’s what they should do. They shouldn’t have to worry about feeling responsible for their mom’s will to live.
If they feel it’s right to reach out and try to help her, they will do that. They don’t need to be told by strangers that it’s their responsibility to help.
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Yes, that’s the key here. There is a difference between reaching out for help and threatening self harm if you don’t get your way. Being a parent makes it worse, but this behavior would also be unacceptable for a friend, a romantic partner, or a sibling.
My kid’s ex did this all the time. Eventually, he told me about it, and we made a plan. Next time it happened, he told me, and I told the kid’s mom. The kid was furious, and now they are exes, but that’s much better. He would threaten to kill himself anytime my kid called him out on bad behavior.
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My ex was the same way. If ANYTHING involving me didn’t go how he wanted, or I wanted to take a break or adress our problems in any way, he’d threaten to off himself.
Even went as far as saying he’d write a suicide letter that pinned the blame on me so I’d get arrested.
I tried calling his bluff a few times, and he did do some half-assed attempts at suicide as a result.
However, next time he threatened after his string of suicide “attempts”, I had him involuntarily committed as a suicide risk and told the doctors all about how he’d acted in those regards.
He stopped afterwards for a good while. When the threats started again, the only response he got from me was “whatever, it’s your choice”.
It might be cold, it was the only way to teach him he couldn’t force me to give him an unhealthy amount of devotion by threatening to end his life.
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