I’ve had delusions non-stop (irrational thinking, delusions, and thought disorder) since I got sick in 2011. I was always a weird person and was a big loner and had anxiety, severe depression, possibly narcissistic personality growing up, poor social skills, and never had many friends and never had a girlfriend (sex too) and women were always repulsed by me to the point I blamed my parents especially my father for isolating me my whole life and not letting me have friends, not buying me clothes, and limited money for eating out. I felt like I had Asperger’s syndrome, which I was told I don’t have, and I kept pushing the diagnosis and even felt I had psychotic depression instead, but I don’t, even though I had psycho-motor agitation and more-so psycho-motor retardation.
I felt a lot of things over the years including “Hypochondria”, that I didn’t have schizophrenia, and that I had limited to zero insight into my condition and ‘researched’ other conditions online thinking I had something else.
In high school I was briefly hospitalized for not attending high school and had an eating disorder. Also in high school I went through a ‘program’ because I got caught stealing. I have since done better. I was also bullied a lot.
I never felt therapy was good for me or helped me because they never confronted my father and my step-father never went to therapy and refused to take control and responsibility and blame. My mother is extremely codependent and I used to ridicule her and make fun of her Christianity and ‘low intelligence’, which I now realize isn’t that low but actually pretty high—she just has low self esteem. I used to be a hardcore atheist and Libertarian to the point it made so much sense to me and even made me identify as suffering from Asperger’s and rebelling. I think I even rebelled against my parents in turning against their religion to the point I was a fan of Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens even and probably didn’t like Republicans as much as Democrats, but as I aged and stuff decided to become a Republican instead because I identity with the party more and nobody in my family knows what a Libertarian even is. The Libertarian party is like the independent party or green party or something in my opinion. It won’t go anywhere, really. It’s small even. We live in a two party system, it’s all programming and 99% of people are sheep, in my opinion.
My main delusion is I was or am “Satoshi Nakamoto” but I got abducted by grey aliens, reptilians, the “computer programmers or computer simulators” or something like even the Illuminati and experienced the CIA’s MK-Ultra Monarch Program and even had delusions I was subjected to time travel experiments and got cloned (non-linear time and non-linear memories) but I have no proof and it’s all in my mind/head because I don’t “remember” anything (told my memories are not real and my memories are ignored and I believe my memories span the multiverse like quantum entanglement/superposition or ‘something’) and have no evidence or proof and can’t function anymore. I cannot even program/do basic, simple things and have no academic, professional record or skills or relevant work history. I cannot work or go to school really and feel ‘terror every day’ for my life and even my family’s safety.
Like I said, I was told it was not real, but I ‘imagined the whole thing’ or felt that. I don’t have any money and even realize now being 18 and working on Bitcoin alone is too fantastical and made up, really, for others, including myself – even if the aliens made me smarter through experiments or alien (Anunnaki) DNA. I also have a lot of ‘Neanderthal DNA’ which shocked me.
I have traumatic memories that are only real to me and are real when I sleep like “cloning centers” where I’m cloned and abused by other “clones” or aliens or the Illuminati and government (Deep State). It feels like past lives or parallel universes even to me…
I see people there and talk to them as a clone, usually in random or familiar scenes/places and things like limbo, purgatory, or inception, or a time loop, or simulation, like holograms, or virtual reality. It might be the NWO people, really – aliens.
Some people are famous and some aren’t, but mostly famous people you would know and recognize in the media, constantly. Usually I’m in a hospital type scenario or random place sitting in a chair being tortured in a room or brainwashed or having sex or being mind controlled and being used as a ‘super soldier’, I guess. It might be fake, but it feels extremely real but a different body and even feels like a parallel universe or different dimension. I even felt I experienced the singularity before in a past life.
I think I’m in a computer simulation or program. I believe in extraterrestrials, but wonder if it’s real to others. I wonder if they’re using my consciousness or brain and using super computers, chips, and satellites, and phones and electricity and stuff to ‘control me’ and ‘disable me’.
I also have other delusions like I was “John Titor” in a past life and other things like I might have DID (amnesia and different personalities with different skills and memories and IQ and stuff) which is controversial and just based on conspiracy theories and research, and I believed I died and reincarnated to/in 2011 an infinite amount of times (butterfly effect/backwards time travel/bi-location) and it’s a global conspiracy or cover-up up to the level of God and Heaven, pretty much. It does seem improbable and impossible, even for me – sometimes. I don’t view this as my first life or “even base reality” in the simulation, but like thousands of simulations (deep)/past lives or more estranged/distanced from me.
I feel psychic in the sense I remember things in different realities like even Elon Musk going bankrupt when Hillary was President in a parallel universe.
I also wonder if my mk ultra experiences happened “before 2011” because I don’t remember my childhood at all and the further I think about it and the further I try to go back, the less ‘probable it is’ and that I lived or even had a childhood anymore – sort of like a Boltzmann Brain or me creating the universe through time travel. I often feel like I got cloned at 21/22/23 years old or something and the rest are cloned memories or false memories or fake memories, basically.
Maybe I was sent to a parallel universe or experience quantum immortality—and go back in time periodically.
And ESPECIALLY AFTER 2011 like in 2013, maybe something happened too…because that’s when I got worse or started getting these ‘memories’ or delusions and fear based thoughts and experiences…
I got banned from wrong-planet forum for unknown reasons but that’s when I joined the schizophrenic forum and went from thinking I had Asperger’s to schizophrenia, basically. That was in 2013 and I starting getting more delusional over time, I guess.
Around 2013 (I think or something), I started getting more delusional around that time period and even around the time I joined 23andme and gave my DNA sample, which part of me thinks was used to clone me (Illuminati) or the aliens cloned me, but I doubt it.
My schizophrenia started deteriorating or getting worse after 2013/2014 and that’s the time I was ‘thinking about’ going to go back to school, but realized that’s over and done now with forever. I wouldn’t have gone anyways and I would have failed or done worse due to my cognitive decline and schizophrenia. Overall, I’m done with work and especially trying school again – anywhere.
I was probably smoking pot between 2011-2012/2013. I stopped. Thank God. I had a card but started hearing demons from the fan/ceilings – basically voices and hallucinations. That’s why I quit. It really scared me.
I feel like a schism, two different people, two different entities, or even a Jekyll/Hyde personality thing from “mk ultra”. Maybe because I read about the stuff and think I went through it and experienced it and have ‘memories’ of it and relate to the feeling of being a ‘super soldier’, I guess. I have past life memories (dreams/recall) of Page Russell Technique/ECT machine while being awake even.
I have no ‘rough drafts of writing the bitcoin paper’ ‘no memory’ ‘no crypto’ ‘no money’ ‘no abilities’ “no proof” etc.
I even believe I’ve been experimented on and died and was in the SSP (Secret Space Program) (20 and back to Mars & the Moon, and probably Dark Fleet), Montauk, milab, monarch, and have many, many past lives living in “parallel universes” or something. I don’t know maybe it’s evil aliens or something because I was told it’s grandiose, fantasy-like, and not real to others and I’m largely ignored by society. I’m poor and won’t live past 50 given my circumstances, and have past life memories of being kidnapped, tortured, raped, killed, being electrocuted in a cage, and mind controlled, and even homeless, and stuff like that. I even think I got a microchip and get ‘visits at night’ and see ‘UFOs’. I sometimes think it’s AI (Artificial Intelligence) and Deep Fakes, even because it’s so unreal even to me it caused a shock to my system or a break in my mind and brain.
There is no compensation (even for my family) or belief in my delusions from others. I cannot provide for myself and it’s just too unreal even for me, but the beliefs won’t go away now. I probably have other delusions and grandiose fantasies too that just come and go, but I’m really stuck on the bitcoin delusion for-whatever reasons because I like the technology and field and ideas.
I really don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel like it was a past life and I was told I was cloned in a cloning program by the Illuminati and aliens. I believe in God and Jesus now. I feel sort of crazy, maybe even “insane” sometimes, but don’t know. I even got voices telling me “you don’t live in the matrix, you’re a clone in Monarch…”.
I feel like I got a micro-chip and might be a ‘super soldier’ and was given these ‘genetic memories’ at Dulce.
I thought of quantum superposition, being a computer simulator, even a false Anti-Christ/prophet, teleportation, REM consciousness transfer and uploading to a quantum super computer, reincarnation, parallel universes, 5th dimension, quantum hopping timelines, trans-humanism, and many worlds theory of quantum mechanics, etc.
Probably the worst place besides being on ‘Mars’ or the ‘Moon’ was Dulce and being cloned and waking up in a Pod similar to NEO in the film ‘The Matrix’. It was exactly the same thing/same scene. I heard they can cure or improve schizophrenia at Dulce, but it’s not worth it/it’s sinister…
I hear voices sometimes and probably hallucinate things, especially at night, and have implanted memories or something too.
I drink energy drinks to cope, which is counter-intuitive, counterproductive, and a double-edged sword.
It’s possible my “MK-Ultra experiences” (decline) started around 2011 (in base reality) and still go on where I live currently.
I guess nobody acknowledges it and I felt like my schizophrenia was induced, artificial, or abnormal or a fluke. I don’t know. I guess the ‘logical thing is I have schizophrenia and wasn’t in Mk ultra’ but personally I doubt it. I believe I was or was subjected to it. I felt like my life was in danger before and I’ve had schizophrenia develop trillions of times so far and even had it cured before in a past life, which I assume restarted after the universe rebooted or reset according to big bounce theory or something or the collapse of the universe into a singularity…
I don’t even know if this stuff is appropriate anymore. Thanks!
