so i have this eccentric idea that it might work, but i don’t think i would find someone.
For a long time i have tried to work my self discipline in the way of it i discover myself little by little realizing that i am in the schizophrenia spectrum or have a mild one without the positive symptoms which i inherit through my father. I am taking a supplement stack that is not working completely to address this alone but plays a role, but in combination with my cognitive games like lumosity to exercise my frontal lobes and articulate my thoughts (or cognition in general) plus taking a vegan protein shake to help nourish my neurotransmitters, and meditation to quiet my mind and have better focus. To have a better grasp or touch in self dicipline i cannot say i can be very functional and the big factor is the anhedonia cause doing things makes me feel a vague emptiness while doing the task at hand and is suffocating having a fix agenda.
The point is that i am better at some extent in emotional regulation, expression. But i have tried to work this for almost ten years and i cannot feel that i am in the ok point which is a satisfactory one and i go to sleep and feel useless. Ok what i am working is studying for this IT certification and i have read the book but i am very slow and i can’t barely recall the material efficiently and is way too much energy draining. I might paid for the exam to take even though i know i will not pass it but i believe i will recognize the material. One of the insights that i grasp accross time even though my anhedonia is that people are the source of our emotions and i had some memories that i had felt motivated to do certain things. What i am asking is that is someone is inetresting to be my motivational coach but have to play a role that i will told them what they have to do so in this way i could see if this is the secret ingredient to have the boost that i wanted… is kinda like a experiment.