Might go to the hospital, after all, but still trying to avoid it

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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I was feeling pretty stable, since increasing my Seroquel to 300mg, last Thursday (1 week ago).

But I feel crazy, again. My thoughts are jumbled, I’m hearing things, I’m thinking about self harm and suicide.

This happened a couple of nights ago, too. But I took Clonazepam and went to bed. I woke up fine. But why is this happening to me??

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m “mostly” treatment resistant, according to my pdoc. What if I never find the right dosage and/or right drug???

I just want to feel sane, normal, content…

I keep coming back to these feelings of chaos. I took a Clonazepam (1mg). I’m hoping it helps stabilize me, at least for tonight.

I’m not trying to complain, I’m just venting, I guess…

I really don’t want to end up in the hospital. I keep trying different things to avoid it, but I’m scared I’ll end up going there…

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For what it’s worth, seroquel made me worse.

I’d talk to someone if you’re having thoughts of self harm and suicide. Either your psychiatrist or the hospital.

It’s Friday tomorrow, and it might be more difficult to get help on Saturday and Sunday, so I’d speak to someone as soon as possible.

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Sorry you are having a hard time. I hope you feel better soon. :frog::frog::frog:

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everhopeful is right. Self harm and suicidal thoughts are not something you should just let go. I’d reach out to your psychiatrist or go to the hospital. Maybe the helplines might help you also. I hope you feel better soon.

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I know you don’t want to go to the hospital if you can help it, but sometimes you need to go. If your thinking of suicide and can’t get your meds squared away, they can help you. Either way, I hope you start feeling better soon.

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Thank you, everyone. I messaged my pdoc. I’m hoping she responds soon. My husband is with me.

I’m hoping the Clonazepam helps.

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Hang in there @Blossom
I’m glad you’ve contacted your psychiatrist.

Clonazepam helps me too.

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I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you get help and feel better.

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I hope you feel better!

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Good job being on top of it, and being able to identify the symptoms.

I’m sorry things aren’t going too well.

Got any fun things planned with your hubby to look forward to this weekend?

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Hmm. . .

How Does One Feel “sane”?.

What Is Sanity?.

I Mean, What’s Real To Me Probably Isn’t Real To You.

I Like One Song, You Like The Other.

And What Does It Truly Matter Anyways?.

When You Sleep In Your Bed. Your Last Thought’s Belong To You.

And No One Else.

Sanity. Yea, Makes Sense.

I’ve Read, ‘Think Outside Of The Box’.

‘Patience Is A Virtue’.

Love Is All, And On And On And On.

To Feel Normal And Content. You May Have To Devise A Plan For Simplicity.

And Stop Judging Yourself According To Everyone Else’s Plans.

Although, Like That Album From, ‘Death Cab For Cutie’. My PLANS, Always Fail. . .

:pensive:

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Sending (((hugs))) @Blossom

Also a Rawr!

:heart:

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Hey, Llama. I don’t think we have specific plans for this weekend. My dad wanted me and hubby to go camping with him and his girlfriend. But I don’t think I can do that right now…

If I can stay sane enough, perhaps we’ll go to the Farmers’ Market? That would be nice.

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I’m sorry things have been so rough for you lately. Hoping you get some lasting stability soon. :heart:

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Farmers markets are always super fun IMO. I love flea markets too, got any good ones in your area? Sometimes the energy of the market helps put me in a good mood, if I can handle people.

Got your pets? I find they help when I feel hopeless. My joke is that corgi and I are each others support buddy. Me with my brain thing, she knows and gives me extra love and cuddles when it’s bad. With her, she has generalized anxiety attacks and insecurity issues, I somehow am usually able to calm her down.

Hope the PRNs are helping. I had to take one this morning too.

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@Ooorgle

Yeah, Farmers’ Markets make me happy. Just the general atmosphere, the fresh produce, other fresh food, some art and jewelry… Everyone is usually in a happy mood. The one in Salt Lake City is pretty good; there are lots of tents to visit.

I’ve got my pets here. Wesley (my dog) and Graci (MIL’s dog) are on the couch, next to me. :green_heart: They’re good doggos.

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I feel pretty drugged from the Clonazepam. I ended up taking a second one, a little later. I’m OK for now. It’s getting close to bed time, so as long as I can get to sleep, I’m golden. I hope I wake up feeling better than today.

It’s almost time to take my Seroquel. I took Latuda with dinner. Seroquel usually makes me pretty tired, so maybe that’s a good thing.

I hope you’re doing OK, since you had to take a PRN, too. :orange_heart:

Best of luck to both of us. :four_leaf_clover:

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Hello to my favorite feline friend!

How’re you doing this morning?

Just checking in, I’m doing better today, hope you are too.

:hugs:

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Hey, llama friend!

I’m glad you’re doing better, today. I just woke up. I just feel “off” but I’ll have a better idea of how I’m doing in a few hours.

Thanks four checking in. :purple_heart:

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Hope your feeling better. How is your sleep lately? Could that be one of the issues?

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I’m glad you contacted your pdoc. I hope you feel better soon

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