I rarely post a thread on this forum and this thread will be the first on this topic of marriage relationship. Like any other long-term committed relationship with another human being there will be ups & downs that will test how the relationship is between two people. How to resolve and how to move forward from the “bad times” compared to “good times” is key here. However, does it matter if one of the people in the relationship is a schizophrenic because I am the schizophrenic in this soon to be marriage relationship?
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Yeah, they will have their ups and downs.
I think it is more difficult to sustain a marriage if one person in the relationship is schizophrenic, but you should think really positively right now about it.
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@angledangle How to think positive about the marriage relationship when uncertainty, doubt and the unknown linger about the relationship?
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It happens with me too. When I think about marrying a woman, I think it is really uncertain whether I can sustain it.
But, at the same time, if I were to get married to a woman, I would begin by trying to feel positively about it at the least. I must believe that it will sustain itself, despite its ups and downs. There is also the possibility that the schizophrenia mitigates over time.
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I hope I can sustain this marriage relationship, especially if we are going to bring a baby who will grow up to be a child in this world.
Initially, when I proposed marriage to this woman she & I were delighted that we would be together. That was 2-months ago now and we still have another 6-months until the wedding date. Yeah, there are few married schizophrenics on this forum most of whom are women compared to the few schizophrenic men.
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I know what you mean.
For a guy it is harder as he is the one who usually sustains a relationship. So, if he goes in a bad period, who will provide for the family? These are the questions that come to my mind, too.
Does she know you have schizophrenia?
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Oh, you are right on about how I think as the man in the relationship. Men are usually the breadwinners of a family. Men are supposed to financially support the family while the women take care of the children. These different roles are engrained into us humans biologically. If the husband has a psychotic episode or becomes mentally ill, he will not be able to provide for the family.
She knows indirectly from other friends & family that I have schizophrenia. She seems fine that I have this mental illness otherwise she wouldn’t have said “yes” or “accepted” me.
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I see. If she knows, then it is all good, because she kind of expects the worst.
But, you should really hope for the best, because the schizophrenia might mitigate with age. OR, the medicines may work for a long time. At least currently you should feel positively about it.
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Well, right now I am not at my worst. I am not sure if she has been informed of my history as a schizophrenic.
Yeah, I am in my mid-forties now and the past 25-years or so I have learned how to cope & deal with schizophrenia. As for anti-psychotic medication, I have been receiving the injection version for almost 15-years now. What should I feel positively about?
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You should feel positively about the marriage, her, and have no doubts in my opinion at this point in time. Kinda, hope for the best.
And, you are not at your worst, hopefully it can stay that way for a long time.
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Yeah, it does, but it also doesn’t. You’ll find your wife has as many problems as you do, but they’re different ones. You’ll also notice that normal people are mentally ill in their own ways.
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I agree with @shutterbug , and would like to add that in my marriage I rarely discuss my struggles with my husband. I rely on my mental health team for that mostly.
There are times I ask him to help me reality check but it’s not often.
If I were to go on about my problems all the time it would be a burden on my husband and that’s not fair.
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This is pretty outdated and old fashioned thinking regarding roles in a relationship. It may also complicate things if roles in a marriage are defined this rigidly since it reduces flexibility and therefore may make it more difficult to find solutions. No one knows what bumps in the road life may bring so flexibility is key to navigating these bumps in the road.whether one is single or in a relationship.
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This is changing as more women are heading to university than men these days. My wife also makes more money than me still, but I am closing the gap. For a while she took care of the child and then we both did. Now that the child is grown we share household tasks equally and we both still work full-time.
I agree with @Moonbeam that your thinking is outdated. I’m not as polite as her and will bluntly tell you that you are still stuck in the Stone Age, mate.
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It is not his thinking that is outdated, those maybe his cultural expectations. I also agreed with him on this, because this is the way it just is. It is not like we are living in the west with a very different concept of what constitutes a relationship. In other words, he is saying the way he perceives his reality, and so are you.
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The values expressed are in stark contrast to the values commonly held in my country and are considered extremely offensive here.
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That doesn’t change his reality bro. I can relate with him. Values are subjective and different, they shouldn’t be offensive unless he is causing some harm to you by saying this.
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They harm the community as a whole. This type of thinking is why we had to bring in human rights laws. Also, feel free to ignore my posts in the future as I will ignore yours.
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Marriage Relationships will have their Ups & Downs
Only if you get married
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