So I went to my pdoc today and told him I’m dead and unmotivated and just existing. So he told me it seems like I am bored and need mental stimulation, and I need to make a list of things I like doing and maybe even draw up a schedule. Then when I am bored I can pick something off the list. Sounds good advice, but I wonder if the pdocs out there know what negative symptoms feel like to live with. Is it mere boredom? Seems a trivial word to use for negative symptoms. Pity, it seems to me that antipsychotic meds are just for the positive symptoms which disappear easily, but the negative symptoms just remain chronically with no solution except to force oneself to get up in the morning and DO something. I think my husband helps me more with the negative symptoms than the pdoc, because hubby is my reason for living at the moment. I wanted to cut myself this morning but didn’t because I didn’t want to hurt him. if it wasn’t for hubby I don’t know where I would have been. And I recently sent off my book to three publishers and hope that one will accept it (my book is about my journey with mental illness and is called Mindstorm). Luckily my writing keeps me a teeny tiny bit interested in life still!
I’ve been thinking for a very long time that Negative symptoms are sort of a new realization for pdocs. They know it exists but they might not really get how serous it is.
I shocked my doc once when I was in a negative swing because I told him how feeling like this makes me seriously think of giving up on my meds, giving up on myself and giving up on my life. Then I answered the rest of his questions with… I want to die and leave this life.
But it’s not mere boredom. It’s so much more. It’s rust brown and sorrow and confusion and not knowing which way is up. It’s being stuck when everyone else is on the move. Small stuff is just so big. It’s the solid earth being shifted out from under my feet and that feeling of continuous falling and failing.
I had my kid sis to live for. I did try and leave this life. She found me and called 911 and saved me. It scared her so much and she got so upset and it really traumatized her that I did have the heart to try it again. Seeing how traumatized she was by my first try out the door of life, I just had a feeling that if I made it, she wouldn’t have survived at the time.
I wish I could erase that from our story. But it got me trying to get up and getting dressed and it at least got me to my doc. My Med change did help my negative symptoms loosen their grip. But it took therapy to get that grip a little looser still. Then it was just a battle all the way up from there.
I hope you stay strong and keep going. You have a husband who loves you, holding on for him and yourself will be worth it. Besides, you want to be around when your book is published.
Congratulations on finishing it and sending it off… that right there is a lot of work.
I love the way you describe it!
I researched the internet for treatments of negative symptoms for a year or two and have tried many things, none of them were very helpful for me but I have seen some improvements so I keep taking some supplements. Sarcosine helps some people. NAC or Pregnenolone can be useful also. Some antidepressants can help with motivation, the one I take is Bupropion and it does help.
The “boredom” you describe is definitely not only that, it’s a part of the negative symptomatology. It can also be called anhedonia or lack of pleasure. It’s the most troublesome negative symptom for me and I haven’t really found anything that eliminates it.
i breath because my wife does, so you and i, we are both lucky that we have partners that care.
this illness is hard but worth persevering, there are good days and bad that is important to remember.
your shrink is right to find something that you are interested in, my pyschologist says the same thing.
good on you writing a book, maybe continue your writing .
@EarthChild Your husband, your writing, I am sure there are other reasons for you to live a fulfilling life - Hold on to that spark
My dear Saadiqah, I can understand you; the negative symptoms have been my main problem for 18 years: avolition, low energy, anhedodia, etc. I realized that my medicine was the main reason of my negative symptoms.
Perhaps, If you talk with your doctor and he changes your medicine, you will have different result; if you live in USA or Canada, this will be possible.
I hope that you are fine.
I don’t know if it will work for you,but adding a antidepressant,for me which was mirtazapine helped my so called “negative symptoms”…now I realized it was depression instead of negative symptoms
How has it helped you?