I feel like… I trully have very few friends.
As I said numerous times, and it’s truth, before SZ it was way more easy to find new friends. To keep relationships.
Now, it seems like I am a bit ghosted and at the same time not always accepted.
I also noticed how strange my mind tries to explain the whole thing, “you’re not ill. They like you. They WILL try to be friends with you.”
and sometimes it’s the opposite, the internal voice says “your’e stupid. No one likes you. You’re simply bad human being, and they sense it.”
and for me, strangest part is… my brain tries to keep a secret the fact that I am ill. Sometimes I totally lose insight.
And what amaze me… most of the people with SZ are avoiding relationships. I am not avoiding them. Actually, I am craving them, just… most of the time it’s not succesful.
I found this forum a good place to share my insights, thoughts, and communicate even a bit.
and… even though my pdoc says it’s very mild what I have, I know myself before the illness and now. Something horribly changed.
It is good you can be more outgoing and want to be around other people.
It is not just schizophrenia, most people in the world are having fewer friends in their lives. We live in a disconnected culture.
Not everyone is going to accept you, but if you keep knocking on doors you will find the right people to be around.
It sounds like you are describing the parasite, and the super ego from Freudian psychology. The body effects the mood, and the mood effects the mind; If you feel good then you think positive, and vice versa.
It gets more complicated with schizophrenia as we all know, and your personality effects it as well.
To me it is more about being around the good influences rather than the bad.
The reason I avoid people is because of negative influences and experiences from people in the past. It all depends on what you look for in the world. You cannot find what you are not looking for.
So do your best to look for something positive in the world.
Personally, I avoid relationships because most of my friends ditched me during the onset of this illness. I forgave them because I know that in high school we’re not taught what to do if a friend develops SZ. It wasn’t their fault. But, it hurt so much to be abandoned, I just can’t invest in people anymore, even if I feel I need them.
So this leaves me with a few options: 1) be friends with other ill people who are always cancelling plans on me, due to anxiety etc., and leaving me isolated, or 2) be friends with normal people who don’t want to be friends with me as soon as they learn I’ve got schizophrenia (and are probably too busy with husband or kids anyways). 3) Talk to people on the internet, and not get attached with them, but have some very interesting conversations about life.
I like three a lot, but some events happened this year to make me realize I rely on the internet too much, so I’ve done things to reach out in the offline world, but ran into the problem that so many activities are now done on Zoom, because of Covid.
Long before any there were any noticeable signs of mental illness I was introverted,shy, had great difficulty making friends, and was quite asocial. I say ‘quite’ because there are times when I feel the need to be with others, rather than on my own. My attempts at socialising F2F have been varying degrees of failure. I now no longer make the attempt to socialise. I’m not up to coping with more social rejection.
I have 2 friends, I used to have 3 but I lost my best friend during the onset of the illness. I don’t blame her, our relationship worked because we both treaded very carefully around one another in order to respect each other’s boundaries and bottomlines. It was like being in a crystal shop in a sense and the illness turned me into the proverbial Elephant. In all honesty she’s the one that deserved better, not me.
I am very thankful for my two friendships, we don’t necessarily see each other often but they both genuinely enjoy my company, and I theirs, which is nice.
It’s kind of hard to wrap this up. I wish I had a girlfriend but what’s there to say about it? I am not going out of my way to find one and so my chances are slim at best, she’d literally need to fall into my lap already smitten with me. Having a girlfriend would probably aid with my mental health but if we’d break up I already dread the toll it would have on me. I don’t have another breakup left in me, I just don’t. I can’t exactly predict how I would fold under the pressure but psychosis and mental anguish would likely be par for the course. Maybe it’s for the best that I’ve been single ever since the first onset of symptoms.
Ultimately though I already feel like I belong when I am alone. Maybe it’s sad saying that you feel like you belong alone but what I mean to say is that I feel comfortable by myself and that not only do I love myself but, strange as it sounds, I also feel like the individual parts making me up love one another. I guess it doesn’t make any sense but that’s what it feels like.
I hate feeling lonely. I need family and at least 1 good, close friend. I have friends, but a few months ago I ended my friendship with my best friend because the relationship was so unhealthy. It was just hurting me. Now I feel very lonely, even though I’m married with children. I need to have that one person (at least) in whom I can confide and be confided in above and beyond my spouse. I’m a people person.
I spent my childhood very neglected and alone and when there were people around, they severely abused me. It really had an impact on me.
I can definitely relate… I think I’m just starting to trust a few people in my life but I’m moving to a new apartment. I doubt I will have any friends …
I was real close with my friends(we all skated and did everything together)growing up and have always craved connection. I think the best way to get to know yourself at least when your sane is having really close friends. I’ve met most the people I hang out with these days at my day program. is there a day program you can go to. It’s gotten easier for me to hang out with people lately. I think it’s cause my new med. There was a period when I only had my brother after cutting ties with drug friends. Over time I’ve seem to built up more friends. Day treatment has been a life saver for me in this respect.
@Truemist8 there are still good ppl in the world…don’t lose hope…
I feel as if I belong…especially since I’m married…took two tries but this second time around being married feels more real and pragmatic than my first whirl wind marriage.
