It's hard to be lonely, not having a life and being sick

Thanks, jukebox, I am not in the right mood to talk right now, I am very depressed, I hope you have everything you wish for, I am just in a dead end right now.

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It isn’t the Sz. Those without it also have harsh hellish lives. It’s just that those without Sz fake happiness in front of others. If you look beyond the outward behavior, you will see that a lot of people hide pain inside themselves.

I know it’s difficult to do anything to help yourself when you lack motivation due to depression over the pain. I’m exactly the same way right now. Some days I can mentally kick myself in the butt to get myself to do things and other days I fail.

No one on earth has a perfect life, whether or not they have Sz.

I hope things will get better for you.

Kasia I don’t think so, I used to have “friends” that the only things they cared about was sex and a spouse and many friends, and they had all these. They were much happier than me and just lived their lives. I see a lot of people having normal lives and that is so unfair for us who have the illness. I don’t talk about your life, I know you are having a hard time, but this has been like that for my whole life, it’s not only now. I never feel motivated, but I have pushed myself really hard to do things that I couldn’t do.

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I’ve talked with lots of people. People seem to find it easy to confide in me. A lot of people hide their pain and put on a fake shell for others to see. A lot of people may appear to have “lives” but inside they are hurting over something.

People fall in love in the strangest times and places. Don’t lose hope. Prayer helps. I’m 33 and I had given up I just thought my lot is to be alone and it still might be. But 11 years have gone by I think I may actually be interesting to somebody. Hold out, things change all the time.

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I don’t’ understand what’s bad in having a life and still hurt a bit, it’s much better than what we are going through. When I had reduced my medicines, one of my delusions was that there isn’t so much stigma around, and I made my life as better as I could, but still I had a lot of pain inside me, because I didn’t take all my medicines and I didn’t feel very well. Still, it was the best period of my life, I felt like I had a life at least. Now I have nothing as usual.

They don’t change for me, lagoonlovely. As I mentioned earlier, they had changed once when I lost some pounds, but that was only for a while! The rest of my life has been from very bad to bad. I 'm saying this 'cos I 've lost hope anymore.

Working on yourself is a productive thing to do…idk.

How should I work on myself?

I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I know times will get better for you. Just be courageous and patient. I just posted on another thread how tired I was of the meds and the diseases. I am beginning to think the meds may not be helping the disease and may be harming the disease. They definitely cause a lot of dangerous side effects that could be worse than sz or bp. Someone suggested cbt on that thread. I am going to investigate it. I believe we are like our four-legged friends. We are vulnerable. We are sensitive. We have been abandoned just like many of them. We need someone to rescue us just like them. We need someone to really love us. We hurt so much and we don’t know why. I have discovered I have been able to survive so long; because inside me is fire-sun energy that just keeps replenishing itself. I told my mother and a previous therapist once that I was exuberant. My mother was not too happy about that. She says I am too loud at times! I don’t care. I believe now that this EXUBERANCE has kept me alive despite the agony and pain. At times, it may be impulsive, and restless. But, it is me and it is nothing to be ashamed of. I mean I do not expect every day to be happy; but, at least I know now how I keep going despite all this. I really don’t care about the approval rating anymore! I MUST SURVIVE, LIVE, THRIVE! At times, I get tired, disappointed, and want to give up; but, if I remember what is truly ME I will get through it. I don’t know all about me yet. I think this is a continual learning experience. When you feel like it begin this journey to learn what is inside that keeps you going despite all the pain. There is something within you. You are stronger than you know at this point! Otherwise, you would not have been posting seeking out help. It may be tough right now; but, it is guaranteed to get better. I know even for me the sun may not seem to shine as brightly as I would like tomorrow. My brain may backfire and the thoughts that give me grief will return; but, behind those thoughts is the real me that is keeping me alive! There is something that is the real you that is keeping you alive. I don’t know what it is; but you do! Take time to listen to yourself! Take care my dear friend. Take care!

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Only you can answer that. I say if you want to attract the people you want become the woman they would want. But that’s a lifelong process. Just start with something small and don’t worry if you don’t do it perfect everytime

I would much rather suffer with the masses then not. I think that we as normal folks are just escaping the madness for a while when we decide to go on a cruise, or some theme park, but then we have to come back down off our high and reacquaint ourselves with the humdrum of everyday life that a lot of us are slaves to.

Dear @Greykitten, you always move me with the words you say, you are really helpful and I can see that by the words you said earlier today, that you will keep me in your mind!! Thank you very much!! I am just jealous to see other people have everything they want, that is, health and a normal life and most times a good mood, while I suffer from depression, sz, and I have no life, and they treat me like rubbish. That is so unfair, if there is a god, why did he harm good people and made the best for the bad ones? It’s just a question for which I will never get an answer…Have a good day and always be well, you can pm me anytime you want, that would be very nice to me.

I know I watch a lot of tv and I wonder are there houses as messy and disastrous as mine-the tv houses look so good! Are their lives as messed up as mine? Do they think the same harmful as my brain seems to? I especially fixate on the messy house stuff. Their houses are so ordered. I work a little bit and then I get tired or something else catches my mind that I must do like getting on the internet, watching tv, reading, writing, talking to my beloved cat; the list is endless! Thank you for your kind words. It is not always easy; I admit. But, I am determined. That gets my mother upset with me also-my determination to have exactly what I want in life. She is always pointing to me how I may have to take second best or something else. But, my determination got me the apt I needed at a price I could afford so I could my cat. It’s not perfect, I admit; but, it, I guess good for what I need now. My mother thought I would have to pay more or not be able to have a cat. I guess I love her; but, she can be such a “downer.” Once, I told that when my beloved late sister was tragically “dying” of cancer; she was more optimistic! I also told her once that she was one of the reasons I had to go into therapy.

I 'm sorry you get through all this! I have to go now, talk to you tomorrow and I just hope things will get better for both of us and every person with sz!! I am not optimistic, however some times wishes are made true! Have a good day!