For the first 22 years of my illness I was told something that was dangerous for me to believe. Somehow there was a drug out there that could completely rid me of my voices. So even though I could function on Risperdal and Invega I kept going off on other drugs looking for a miracle. Then I found out my “miracle” turned me into a monster causing very disruptive symptoms and the voices came out of me in reality without me keeping them in check because they suddenly sounded like me. I nearly destroyed my support system in a drug induced fit of anger and extreme manic behavior but held on to my miracle drug stubbornly. Then I met a doctor at the Psych Ward 3 times. He was not well liked by the other patients and I didn’t care for it when he took me off my miracle drug. After he did so I was sedated. I also was sedated a second time as the drug remained in my system and I paced madly about talking constantly. When I went back to the Psych Ward a few months later after I was put back on the miracle drug and it completely stopped working he told me something shocking: The voices weren’t going to go away no mater what they gave me. So he asked me which drug I had taken worked the best and I told him Invega. As soon as I first took it I felt my mind get organized again and the outside voices that I was once again hearing ceased. The voices weren’t gone but I was determined to learn to live with them. (I probably would have attempted suicide if I was told something like that at the beginning of the illness but I had decided that was not an option and was willing to give coping with the voices a chance). On the last Psych Ward visit the doctor added loxapine which furthered improved my psychosis and I also cleaned myself up from my excessive supplement use. Quite frankly I’d like to thank that doctor but since I’ve been out of Psych Wards for 10 months and don’t plan to come back soon I suppose I won’t get a chance.
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I too held onto a miracle med for me, and It nearly killed me (seroquel). I’m back on abilify now and doing ok on it. Stable anyway.
I’m thinking about trying my miracle drug again…
I don’t believe in miracle drugs, especially after my therapist told me since I’ve been on so many anti psychotics and still have symptoms that I may never get full relief.