We go to gear our mind on a subject and find the gears are stripped and we’re helpless.
I’ve felt that way before. I think the best thing for me to do is occupy my mind with thought, instead of obsessing over things I can’t change. It puts the voices in their place and makes me feel like a real person again.
It is a struggle, thoughts don’t flow like they used to and if I think about the last few years its all polluted by psychosis.
I realized last night that by default I just want to slip into a thoughtless depressed state.
I have no idea where to go from here. All I can do is take care of my physical self and life. Hopefully that monologue comes back and I get to thinking again. The situation I’m in mentally just sucks. Nothing is interesting, and I just want things to be normal again.
Thats exactly how I feel its like my mind is a truck trying to get out of a mud hole and almost grips the edge to to pull itself out of this dark mental pit then slips right back in.It does this a couple times a day unless I get all my excersise and have something to occupy my mind.