Starting to wonder why there’s so many people acting without empathy . It’s depressing me
4 Likes
You are projecting, or maybe I am?? But you might feel empathy but they probably don’t have much empathy to begin with.
It took me years to understand this. I’m still recovering from bullying and abuse that happened decades ago because I didn’t understand this.
I have learned to be a tiny bit more selfish and have a tiny bit more boundaries. But it’s hard.
Can I ask you what happened?
O and try to realize that empathy is nothing that can be learned. Ass-holes will continue to be ass-holes!!
2 Likes
It isn’t about people being ■■■■■■■■ I mean yeah there’s that. But I just have felt a general lack of warmth from my friends and family about my situation. I don’t have anyone to talk to but my partner.
2 Likes
Ok, I understand!
It’s good that you have a partner that listens to you though.
1 Like
My grandma once said that the world is going to hell. I still think there’s lots of good people out there though. I have friends from the military who I deeply care about but they don’t give me the time of day anymore. But I also have new friends who check up on me. Check out a radio station called “K Love” if you have it in your area.
5 Likes
sorry to hear that really
yeah thats true
but there are alot more who have empathy
1 Like
There’s the thing @everhopeful says all the time: the more help you need, the less you get.
There is a downside to empathy. If someone cares very deeply about your emotional state, your distress makes them feel distressed also. Then, they try to cut off the source of that distress by distancing themselves from you. They feel responsible for stopping your pain, but they can’t fix it for you. Then they feel guilty, and blame themselves. Then they get rid of their guilt by blaming you instead. Then, in their mind, their part of the responsibility is over. It isn’t fair or useful. It is common, though.
When you’re in a severe state, sometimes, unempathetic people are the ones who stick around. They don’t feel responsible for fixing your pain, and they can handle being around it. They have firm boundaries and know what is and is not reasonable to expect of them
I prefer unempathetic people. They are predictable and consistent. They don’t offer help just because you need it. They offer help because they made the calculation that helping you is something they can handle without overextensing themselves. They don’t get halfway through and then bail because it got too hard.
12 Likes
Good lord that was a dose of the truth lol
6 Likes
Yeah empathy is tough, i’m talking to a girl at the moment and she has problems with her parents and the person she was last seeing/talking to and I try to not blame her for feeling upset but it’s draining. I feel compartmentalisation is useful for me. Mentally separating her issues, her and my feelings.
1 Like
So that’s why you tolerate me.
3 Likes
Unempathetic people don’t care about other people, they most certainly don’t stick around. They are not there in the first place to begin with. They see you as weak and they prey on you.
1 Like
We do, but our behaviour is logic-based rather than emotionally based. I know I should feel more empathy than I do, but I was born with a hole in my soul there. I wound up having to do something I didn’t like yesterday because I rationally understood it was the right thing to do and that I would be perpetuating a wrong that is harmful to many if I kept my mouth shut over it. However it was in defense of someone I don’t particularly like and I’m still irked over it today, especially since this person ate up yet another day of my precious paid time off. The bottom line was that this person had their rights trampled on and it is important to stand up for the rights of others regardless of how you feel about them personally.
Empathy doesn’t always look like or operate like what others expect it to.
1 Like
Empathy doesn’t have to involve feeling emotions as if it were happening to you. A huge part of it is putting yourself in others shoes and acting in such a way that is compassionate. Logic can play a huge role. But people seem to lack the follow through with being available when others are going through a hard time unless they just never fall apart like I do.
1 Like
There’s an element of self-preservation. You have no idea how badly my wife’s parents constant issues are burning me out. Some of their problems are self-inflicted and some are beyond their control, but there’s a point I can’t personally go past with providing support without also severely compromising my own well-being. My attempts to safeguard my own health vs. my wife’s need to be there for her parents (who I strongly dislike) is one of the biggest sources of conflict in my marriage.
2 Likes
You jest, but yes. I like talking to people whose values don’t change based on how they’re feeling.
2 Likes
I’m so sorry you’re not receiving the emotional support you need. I’ve experienced this too with others’ lack of empathy. It hurts deeply.
My sister in law is like this. She’s mean too. I’m not looking forward to her visit in May.
1 Like
My brother has zero empathy
It’s really hard to deal with him
Generally hostile in my case?
People have lives, so they’re not going to be available whenever you need them.
How much responsibility do you bear for your current situation? Do you see yourself as a victim of the actions of others?
Help is available, but you have to do your part.