Anna-You have my sympathy.
thank you martin. i saw your presence in the forum. i know you ve been in harvard. the sz should happens to intelligent people thats right? hahā¦ for some i am both intelligent and beautiful,nope i am joking 
probably ive herited my father but i was always determinated to go well. i think once the meds will kick in i ll have to struggle,ive lost 15 years of my life cause wrongly diagnosed and untreated. you had haldol? i am on haldol now,i think i like it 
kisses
Yes I was on Haldol in the 1970ās. It helped at first to cut out unnecessary distractions, particularly a harmful relationship with another person. It is a first generation AP.
Many are authoritarian and mentally (if not physically, as mine was) punishing to genetically over-loaded children who are too sensitive to tolerate the abuse. Others are neglectful, ignoring and abandoning for reasons that run from being alcoholics or drug addicts to being too self-involved or enmeshed with the father, boyfriend or a brother or sister of the hyper-sensitive child.
And worse yet, there are the mothers who carom back and forth from one extreme to the other (often because they have borderline personality disorder, see http://www.millon.net/taxonomy/borderline.htm) and confuse the child to the point of constant fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there).
oh thanks notmoses:) for one of my pdocs in the past i am borderline also but he was surprised to see me worsenā¦ i had parents who werent drinking nor doing drugs. my father was pushing me with education. he was beatening my mom and my sister.ill get that too one day i hope :)faith or just that the life is too difficult by hereā¦
If the child has genetics for hyper-sensitivity through the insular cortex and amygdala to the hypothalamus and pituitary gland, neural inflammatory PTSD will VERY likely begin at a young age for the child who merely witnesses such abuseā¦ because she 1) identifies with the mother and sister, and 2) worries about being beaten herself.
Itās not different from a neurological point of view from what soldiers face(d) in Afghanistan or Iraq. Threat is threat, and it remodels any childās nervous systemā¦ moreover those who are already genetically compromised.
What you have described, btw, is a problem that is reported by study after study to be unusually common in Eastern Europe and especially in Ukrain, Hungary, Bulgaria, Romania and the upper Balkans, even though the religious influences there differ considerablyā¦ but all of the religions are highly authoritarian, morally perfectionistic (and perfection-demanding) and soaked with sin, guilt and shame.
i seeā¦ in fact i was feeling stressed and unhappy as a child alreadyā¦ as you say probably its nurture plus nature but is it common for sz to be unhappy as children? at my 6 i was dreaming already about the perfect guy and to to marry him with children to avoid my parents alsoā¦at my 12 i didnt laugh anymore at the jokes of the another in the company :/.
Highly. I have interviewed dozens en vivo. Almost all of them had miserable childhoods with authoritarian, neglectful, self-obsessed, pushy, communication-challenged and/or confusing parents.
oh ok. i was mostly autistic according to my momā¦ i was lonely,not suffering but i was sleeping a looot i have one sz friend, shes saying that she had a happy childhood. but probably her parents were confusing and challenging as you say or whatever
Autistic according to a mother who who was beaten by her husband but ā for whatever reasons (and I appreciate the complexities and exigencies, especially in that part of the world) ā didnāt leave him to protect herself and her children from him because, as I have learned in recent interactions with another from EE, male intimidation, abuse and outright brutalization of females is much closer to the societal norm there.
Sleeping a lot is strongly associated with anxiety and depression in humans of any age.
Many of the sz pts I have interviewed or otherwise worked with have asserted that they came from happy families in one their split-off mental ācompartments.ā And then ā when they felt it was safe ā cut loose with all the horror stories stored in another. Have seen and heard this at least 50 times (conservatively).
i didnt got the last part notmoses. can you repeat it simply? i am often jealous of that girl because of her happy childhood and because of everything 
ā¦ she doesnt seem so asocial as me, but i dont know her when she s feeling badā¦
I think this will help:
If itās not enough, let me know.
and how do i look if you have an opinion? more like borderline or more like schizo? for mu current pdoc i am sz. in the begining she thought of something else but now its schizo for her i think :/i can have both,i know thats is possible
Looks ā from this admittedly considerable distance, but nevertheless on the basis of what you have bravely shared with us ā like borderline-organized, but very possibly not āclassic hysteric borderline personality disorderā having ratcheted āupwardsā into an increasingly ānear completeā psychotic expression.
Given 1) the nature of the culture you live in there, 2) the relatively poor mental health system capacities (and established procedures) there, and 3) the lack of a reality-grounded, family support system, Iāll roll the dice on those being the likely causes of the degredation from borderline organization (see below) to more florid psychosis.
http://communitycounselingservices.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=584
Itās all treatable, but I expect youāll have to find someone in Sofia or another major city there to get the ball rolling for you. Andā¦ Dialectical Behavior Therapy is the research-verified #1 best way to do that in your particular case.
http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/ <ā a Great website
I read Kernberg, O.: Severe Personality Disorders: Psychotherapeutic Strategies, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1977; about ten years ago. I wouldnāt recommend trying to do that (one needs a doctorate and a lot of experience with the psychoanalytic and object relations theoretical systems to plow through his opaque verbiage), but I saw myself in it over and over againā¦ and can see many pts through the āconceptual lensā he provided for a generation of us who face borderlines in tx environments. Seeā¦
borderline who evoluated to a florid psychosis,thats right? oh okā¦hah i am in sofia,yes,i had a group therapy and probably it was helping. now we dont have it in the momentā¦ my actual pdoc is psychotherapeute also,she is doing individual therapy also but my momther doesnt want me to give me money for that. she says that i should put my money on cigarettes if i want to go there and i cant do this now i thinkā¦yeah,it sucksā¦when i feel bad i am mostly negative,this is true i think yesā¦everything seems to me hopeless. but like ive told you,i spent the last 5 years in psychiatry,i look like a pig even if i used to be a pretty girl. just a prettyā¦ now i have stretching marks,cellulite,big belly and fat on my faceā¦ probably when i land on earth this will be a problem :/.
The meds made a mess of me for a while, as well. But I just kept on learning. I wouldnāt give up. I refused to buy into all that āvictimā ā ā ā ā my mind told me. That was 12 years ago. I lost all the weight (because I could take lower and lower doses of my anti-P), found the way things are and not the way they are not, and can do thing today I would not have dreamed possible back then.
I got to go to formal school, but I understand now that anyone could learn what I have learned if they use a decent med school library, get themselves acclimated to the difference between the chicken ā ā ā ā and the chicken salad online, and then use Internet to educate themselves.
I had to fight to recover to the extent I have. Most of the people here wonāt do that. They want to take a pill. Period. It doesnāt work that way.
oh ok,i am sometimes euphoric because i feel better but today it was worse even on my medsā¦ i had my feelings hurted in a way,its painful inside me plus the headachesā¦
what degree you have if its not a secret notmoses? i have a bachelor in sociology from france
Whoa. Thatās pretty heavy. The French sociologists are The Bomb. (@Sarad is way into them, too.)
BA in journalism. MA in political history of English-peaking peoples. 3-year-program certification in addiction counseling. MS in clinical psych. Psy.D. with NP (I keep forgetting that).
i see now you know politics pff,i dont know what to say,i forgot almost everything in sociology but i still have a common culture because of itā¦ i was a nerd i think, i was ill already without knowing who i am,lost and was smoking weed a lot
p.s. otherwise i was diagnosed in one hospital with paranoid,anxious and depressive disordersā¦ and now i am just on 2 meds-haldol and zyprexa. i dont have an antidepressant neither thymo.
Thymosin or thymoglobulin?