Integration of Alts

I don’t have DiD but I do have sort-of parts of me that often disagreed with each other. They reflect my inner conflicts and turmoil.

Last night I helped my personality fragments to integrate. I suppose that might mean different things to different people, but to me it is like they mesh together instead of being separate. Usually when this happens it is a good sign for me.

First there was TOM and he was superior, restrained, and critical, but also well intentioned, like a stern parent.
Then came Peace, a shapeshifting gender-fluid faery wizard, and she was impulsive, but fun-loving, like a child.
Fury emerged as their protector; a muscular spiked beast made of shadows and fire, who consumed my thoughts to render them forgotten.

These three integrated into Hydra

After a series of relationships went wrong and I got some spiritual help, two more arrived. Connie who would sacrifice anything for connection, Frodo who would avoid connection at all costs. They agreed to stop fighting and became Coin. But another remained, Disgust, who I thought was their protector, but this was not the case. Disgust held the aspects Connie had sacrificed, and Frodo had refused to accept.

I had a slightly trippy visual where we all fell (or chose to fall) into a bottomless pit together and landed in sludge. And then everyone accepted each other and they merged into Kaleidoscope.

I’m hopeful that this will help me to maintain better relationships in the year ahead, but it could equally make me more disgusting. It feels like a leap of faith in myself to be better and in others to accept me.

Thanks for reading! Do you have any integration stories to share?

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I enjoyed it.

I’m sorry to say I don’t. I have DID or DDNOS but most of the time, it is as if I don’t. Often they don’t come out even once a year. I’ve been trying to speak with my subconscious in the hope of integrating, and for the most part, things seem to get better, but it could just be the passage of time.


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