I literally have such bad anxiety, and emotional flatness when it comes to human connections, that I am literally a person with different thoughts and behaviors around others, so I can’t be honest to family members or professionals. And it’s a literal mental block. I’m not purposefully withholding info or consciously changing my behavior.
I know everyone is different around others, but this is beyond the norm. I dropped out of therapy because when she askes me questions, it’s not ME responding.
Do you think a therapist would help me look into alternative ways to helping my schizophrenia? I’m thinking - now I’m off my meds - I could use some support.
I ditched her like I do everyone in my life. I don’t know what it feels like to have a best friend, even though I’ve spent every day with a neighbor for four years straight. When she moved, she hugged me and cried. I realized then I was emotional different (I was 14). I rarely think/thought about her; I feel no nostalgia; I don’t miss her; the day after she left I never once thought about her. I do this with everyone. I had another friend of 6 years. We meet freshman year of HS and we would walk holding arms in the hallways for all 4 years, so we won an award for the two people most seen together around graduation. We went to college together, too. I never felt a connection, and I didn’t feel anything ending the friendship.
But when I’m alone (and I’m not thinking that someone/something is watching me), I’m completely different!