I saw my pdoc today. I still need your support

So he found me a bit better on the lithium now. He still talks about schizoaffective, depressive type but I am afraid its paranoid sz… Idk why I still cant get used to the idea that its sz… Whatever, it was tough to wait for 3 hours to see him. I was shaky, I was phobic and paranoid and pacing around the cabinet…
The doc called my pacing stereotypical behavior, yeah… I guess all this isolation made me worse, very very bad. I am really ill right now. And all this weed in my past with my fragile brain, I smoked too much…
My doc is still afraid that the lithium will trigger some kind of psychosis or mania so we are still careful with it.
But the doc also told me that I should go out or ill never be happy, yeah… Idk how ill do it unless I am not a bit more calm. I was close to fainting out today.
hugs people, I am here with you.


Please ask your mom or your friends to take you out more often !!
Are you also afraid of going out together with someone else?
Or just if you go alone?

its me who dont want to go out more often. sometimes I am afraid to go out alone, sometimes its difficult with the others too. Ill continue trying but I dont know how much time it will take time to erase the damages of so many years of isolation behind me. For instance I feel anger toward my mom too sometimes, she just keeps talking outside and I close myself instantly. sorry to show you my bad state here but I really cant go out sometimes, that’s all. I made enough efforts before. Ok, I wasn’t so paranoid before but now its the case…

Hugs! I hear you. It is a struggle. Sorry to hear you’re so fragile right now. I’d stay off the weed and keep working with your pdoc if I were you. Maybe it’ll be a trial and error to get you on the right meds

Thanks Hop. I dont smoke weed since 10 years anymore so it should be the illness which is bad though… But yes, my doc tries now. He want to see a bit lifted my negatives…

Good that your doctor keeps seeing you and doing trial and error. When do you see him again did he alter the dose

No, we stay on 600 mg of lithium, the same dose of Depakote and the same Zyprexa. He kept my Depakote cause afraid of mania or psychosis under lithium… Ill see him in February again if everything is ok. He said that in his opinion they put me on a bit too much of aps who messed me…

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Why are you afraid its paranoid sz?
Some of your worst symptoms are your emotions and your ruminations about your condition and I don’t see the core symptom of paranoid sz: obsessive persecutory delusions.