I have to go the hospital

Going through anxiety attack I think. I want to go to the hospital. I feel watched. Don’t want people to read my thoughts. I am the saddest person I feel. I have it difficult sometimes waking up in the morning not wanting to and this is the third day in the week for possible panic/anxiey attack. They make me sound so bad. I am afraid of people hearing me. I know someone is doing this to me. Making me sound like a sick person. I don’t want these people to talk to me. My thoughts become worse when I have these anxiety/panic attacks. I am scared when I hear people talk to me. What if I say the wrong thing? I think people make me saying the wring thing. I recall things that happened in my thoughts and it makes me anxious I just need to be left alone. Please God I pray to live a normal life. I hate intrusive thoughts even though they are not my own.

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What you write seems very similar to some times in my past. Good wishes,

Jayster,

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I empathize that a lot. Good luck at the hospital.

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Let us know how it goes. I hope they can help you

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I did not go, but I wonder if I went how it would have went.

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How are you feeling now?

I am ok but I don’t know how I will fall asleep

Well at least you got through the crisis

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What do you mean by you saying the wrong thing? Your voices are the ones speaking, right?

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I am scared right now, I don’t know how tonight will turn out. I can’t go through another anxiety/panic attack. I know this is depressing but I hope I won’t get shot tonight. They keep telling me I am going to.

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I mean myself if I were to say the wrong thing.

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Oh I guess you mean the voices might make you say the wrong thing? I don’t usually worry about that, I can moderate my speech just fine, I just deal with so much bullying from the voices that it wears me down and tears my self esteem to shreds. I still act and seem normal to others, I keep the two separate when I can.

I am in a place right now where I want to go into a hospital, but I won’t because of Covid-19. I hope it clears up soon. I wonder if Alameda County California has something like Crisis Care back in Virginia… I could really use an outpatient stay right now.

Here’s to hoping we both see better days soon.

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Can you call your psychiatrist?

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I’m going through stuff I don’t like right now. I’m having loss of thought control such that the words in my head don’t seem to be my own.

I’m also anxious and depressed.

From psychotic periods in the past, I know the anxiety makes it worse.

My last strategy to get out of anxiety is named “move a muscle, change a thought.” If I just can distract myself from sitting and stinking, my life goes better.

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I want to go to the hospital again. I don’t know why this is happening to me. Please help. Someone is doing this to me. I wish people can tell me what is going on and my sister too.

I don’t know why people are making me sound this way.

We can’t help you as much as your psychiatrist, sad but true.

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Someone thought I did something to their child but in my thoughts but still it is pretty terrible. I have people in my mind a lot. I try to block them out. I have someone put pictures and words in my mind. They call me racist and obscene and try to make me sound this way.

Schizophrenia is one of those diseases that messes with the thinking of the person who has it.

Thanks @Jayster. I feel scared too. I did not do anything to anyone but I think their family would hate me anyways.