I have a clear vision how it should all be i.e. my worldview, feelings, attitude etc. but I’m manipulated by the inner “demons” or whatever they should be called of and can’t get there. Then I might get there for a short moment again and like it, but then I get just sceptical, because it’s usually just matter of time til it all ends again. It’s like my “headware” is changed by ‘them’. I like when I am not pushed and I like when nothing is a must. It’s kinda like free will isn’t workinf for my own good. Right now I feel fine, but tic-toc tic-toc… Experience talks.. One would wonder, is our freedom a deficit?
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