i have a confession that i hate my disease and I can’t accept it. and keep asking why me having this awful disease? i suffer a lot because of it in the past and present and even in the future. it affects everything in my life.
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Me too , I have also accepted this condition. Which will not go anywhere soon.
And I don’t think much about it, but think what am I going to do about it now.
Fight fight fight with meds in place.
We all are here fighting it everyday and night.
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Same here. I hate it. It’s one heck of an illness.
It really makes you suffer. I wish my voices would go away, even for a few hours.
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I hate it, but life would be pretty crap without it probably too. It would maybe be nice to raise a family, but at the same time, no, it would not.
I think almost any schizophrenic can say that.
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I did better not accepting this illness than accepting it. But now it’s what I think of it more so then what other people think of it! @MIDO hope that it helps, not for everyone as everyone has their own journey!
SZ is invisible suffering that no one can see.
I see it more as a dysfunction than a disease. Personally I don’t hate it, I think it’s taught me a lot. The kind of lessons you need to learn rather than the ones you want to learn for the most part, but still, it helped shape me into who I am today.
As far as the effect it’s had on my life, I regret more how it impacted the people around me than me because there are no guarantees that I would have hit the milestones ahead of me in my life, at least schizophrenia wrapped things up in a nice Little excuse. I didn’t graduate from University? Schizophrenia. I didn’t find a wife nor a girlfriend? Schizophrenia. I didn’t find work I enjoy? Schizophrenia and I even get help finding work and get food money from the state basically as long as I’m not working.
I think it’s too convenient seeing the obstacle and assuming that without it I would have reached the finish line. Acting like without schizophrenia I’d have a dream job, a wife and a degree is not at all in line with the outcomes of my peers in my age group, nothing more than wishful thinking and empty posturing.
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I hated being sick for the first ten years from 2013 until 2023. This year things have calmed down but I don’t know how long that will last.
there’s a strange relationship with me and my SzA. i credit it for fueling my creativity like nothing else, but at the same time, i can’t stand the way that no matter what happens to me, good or bad, it is always there. it’s present in everything i do and i feel like there’s nothing in my life i can experience without it affecting me.
it sort of feels like SzA tears me apart, just to piece me together again, but only to tear me apart again, repeating the process endlessly.
That’s very important for me. I get out of hand when I don’t get my med’s. It might happen sooner or later, but it happens. When I’m off my med’s I think nothing of eating out of trash cans. I go into places where I am not wanted. It’s rarely one great big misbehavior, but an accumulation of a bunch of mediumly bad behaviors.
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I hate the medication. not the schizophrenia.
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I literally cannot accept it.
Overall, till this day I am not sure whether it was psychosis or SZ.
But when I start thinking that it could be SZ, I only think of suicide and sad life. IDK why.
I’m sure psychiatrists love it. Plenty of extra clients!
I still sometimes think I don’t have it
It’s horrible, but the silver lining is that it isn’t fatal, and it’s possible to recover at least partially.
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Sure, during the last time I relapsed and was psychotic my psychiatrist was able to put in that swimming pool he always wanted.
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I take the view that I could have something worse instead, so I am grateful to “only” have this disease that I am able to manage well enough.
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Sometimes I think about my suffering and how the future is not bright. But then I think about all the other diseases and conditions out there and people who experience tragedies.
I don’t think anyone escapes lifes hardships in one form or another if they live long enough.
Sure I wish things were better though. But having the big picture in mind makes it easier to cope with.
I hate it too.
I am, however, thankful for modern medical science.
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