@anon83141956. I really hope you’re right
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Aw thanks a lot Twialine. I’m bit uncomfortable to use pms on this forum most of the time but I appreciate your gesture a lot.
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@Raelyn Fenn It doesn’t matter what you call it, no one should put you in that position. Hope he stays away and just letting you know you were heard. #metoo.
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I’m sorry that happened to you too. And thankyou for your support :).
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Sorry to undig this thread but just want to clarify I don’t believe that he is physically dangerous. Not fair to even suggest that he may be.
But I am extremely anxious around him.
You’re clearly struggling with this and in two minds about the whole thing. I’m sure there is a good reason why you added a rape trigger warning to the title, and why you shared the fact that he smashed someone’s head with a bottle and expressed homicidal ideation. I really hope this comment does not upset you and that you find the peace you need.
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I added that,actually. People need to know what they will be clicking into.
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He really is a lovely lad but he has made some serious mistakes. That outweigh the better times to the extent that it has ruined them for me.
Idk man, that is paranoia, the wine bottle and the homicidal statement type of things, making me feel unsafe.at the time.
But honestly I believe he’s not physically dangerous.
I hope He has a bright future ahead of him.
I decided to have one last conversation with him this morning just to explain everything properly and so that he knows the whole story of how I felt about everything in its entirety. He deserves to know the truth so he can think about it and he told me my mistakes too.
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I couldn’t bring myself to read the whole thread maybe because the anecdotal evidence, out there, is that men have a lot of self work to do, to use a euphemism
Firstly, and I will repeat it - it’s not your fault.
If you get therapy on the rape that happened to you, you might like to discuss how some people (maybe I’m projecting), but how some people are open minded, and ‘impressionable’ which may go with that territory?
That’s raw reaction.
I’m a soft touch, a people pleaser, I have trouble hurting feelings, and answering people in anything other than the affirmative, … if I were female, I’d probably have a story like yours.
It’s not your fault. And instead of opening communication, you should probably be thinking more along the lines of restraining orders.
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You mean he blamed you for the fact that he chose to rape you.
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This is victim blaming and completely inappropriate.
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Basically my mistake is that I wasn’t always completely honest with him.
But when it came to saying no I meant no though…
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You did not make a mistake. He is trying to make you doubt yourself so he can keep abusing you.
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Yea I know what you mean I think. I really used to get affected by his state of mind.
Now I gotta learn to be more assertive, just doing it in a clear honest polite as possible, but clear way. Honest. Direct. Way.
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I agree and/or like ‘that sound’ mostly… just maybe drop the polite as possible [self] talking…
I take that advice myself.
Take a step back too, you had unwilling sex and feel bad all over. He is a perp of that.
You never have to be polite to an abuser. Never.
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No Means No, He shouldn’t force it, sorry you went through that, I’d suggest staying away from him and blocking him from all devices, also if he keeps pursuing you then maybe a restraining order, you would need to report him though.
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this is why a lot of the relationship was based on a lie so making it really messed up. hence why I just HAD to speak to him this morning and be brave and fully honest and assertive.
yeah I did let him know too today,
thanks everyone for your opinions