I feel void of any feelings and avolition. I know a lot of it is Schizophrenia. I feel like I don’t have a purpose, ever since I deleted my YouTube channel I also came out of the delusion that I was the Messiah and my videos would save the world. Why do our brains hurt us like this? I hate following my delusions down a rabbit hole. I’m so disabled by it, I can’t even write a book about my experience. I’ve tried going back to school, I tried making videos, I tried writing, I’ve even tried opening up a group for schizophrenics in town. But my symptoms always take over. I can’t talk right, I lack motivation, I follow delusions that confuse and scare people. I just don’t know what I’m meant to do. Why can’t I stay in the delusion, so I don’t get hurt by reality?
Bump… Come on y’all I need help
Sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time at the moment. I’m afraid I don’t have any real answers as I’m in a similar place to you.
Thanks. I’m sorry you’re going through the same. Damn delusions 
I wish we’d have a heads up before making fools of ourselves.
Yeah, I can’t even answer the door to anyone recently cause I’m so scared of being harrassed by a private detective. People keep saying this is unrealistic but I just can’t take that chance so I’m back to being a hermit hiding at home when I haven’t got work.
What delusions are bothering you?
That everyone around me has been replaced by the government and my life is being monitored. Everything in town has changed around, like new stores, the hospital added a new ward. Storage places have gone up. All while believing I can save the world. 
That’s a tricky one. I had something similar before starting abilify. Are you on medication at the moment and taking it?
Yes, I’m on 800 mg of Seroquel. I hope my meds aren’t pooping out on me.
When are you due to see your psychiatrist?
I used to have a similar delusions and it was really distressing.
I believe three months.
I’d suggest getting some sun, it really improves mood.
Wish I could, but it’s raining at the moment.
Could you get an appointment sooner?
These are all lofty goals! Most people do not write books, go to school as an adult, make videos, write, or start support groups. These would be hard for anyone and are only for the few!
We are meant to do what’s in front of us, take the next steps. These include grocery shopping, cooking, picking up the house, cleaning bathrooms, wiping floors, doing laundry, and washing dishes. That’s more than enough! Add kids and a husband to the mix, and it’s a lot more!
It looks like you are seeking meaningful work to do to make significant impact and/or to gain attention. Are there other ways you can make an impact or receive attention? Do you work or volunteer?
I guess it is a lot to take in. I don’t do anything other than what you mentioned. I have a family I take care of, house to clean and such.
You have a grip on the thoughts in that you know it could be delusional.
You can’t save the world and i know it hurts but being special is one in 7,000,000,000. That s 1 in 7 billion.
Ground yourself by realising the actual world you live in. What type of house do you live in, what income do you have and how do you actually live? And then ask yourself that if you were so special then how am I living like this?
Realising sz delusions and knowing how common they are in the sz world to believe takes away their speciality. You already know this, but grasping that reality is hard.
It would be nice, even grandiose to believe in it. Let go! There is little deeper meaning. We are all small in the infinity of space, and even on this earth.
Hang in there and keep calm. 
I wish I could but my pdoc said he’d be out this whole week.
Are you interested in volunteering? It’s great to know you’re making an impact!
I used to volunteer at the middle school down the road from us. But then I got sick and never returned.
@Cici2 I know how you feel ( I think)
I don’t know what my purpose is either
I think I’m a messenger sent by God but I fail when I put it into play.
I keep thinking there has to be more than this to my life but I can’t seem to find it
I don’t know how to find it I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be looking for
But I can’t help but feel there’s something I am supposed to do and I can’t shake it