I’ve tried to kill myself many times all resulted in hospitalizations and 51-50’s or 52=50’s (3 day holds and 2 week holds) some of my stays were in ICU’s and some of my stays were in psych wards. I hated some of the experiences and really benefited from others. The best times were when I was really honest and took advantage of the programs and therapy and did some healing and got a good meds change. The worst times were when there were loud, delusional patients running amok and no controls on the ward. I’m not afraid of being hospitalized and would prefer it to being out and about and gravely suicidal.
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In the start of my career as a professional schizophrenic and amature wannabee ladies man, my parents pretty much did everything pertaining to getting me treatment and finding the hospitals and housing for me. I was 19 and just went along with what they arranged for me as I really couldn’t take care of myself and certainly could never begin to do anything like find any kind of help or housing. After my initial break I became pretty stable for years. Later when I relapsed in the late 1980’s I did check myself into some wards a few times. I called the police a few times to drive me to hospitals. The third time I did that the cop told me they really didn’t want to do that and told me basically that taking people to wards was not in their job description and I should not call them anymore. But I did stuff like find psychiatrists for myself, I found the board & care myself that I spent 5 years in from 1990-95.
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i was involuntarily admitted twice, one of those to the state psych ward which is for the bad cases. once i wasn’t sure if i should go but i told them i was having suicidal thoughts so they admitted me. i dont know if it was voluntary or not that time. another time i was bordering on delusional and severe anxiety and almost admitted myself, but partly my delusion and partly wanting to keep costs down for all involved, stopped me the fourth time. ive been to the ER a few times, and places where they decide how to deal with you, called rescue crisis.
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I had an involuntary hospitalization about 8 years ago for a suicide attempt. This year, 3 months ago, I was voluntarily hospitalized for psychosis and suicidal thoughts.
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Well I was found in my underwear in the park. And I was scared to go in the ambulance because I thought they were going to chop me into a thousand pieces with a scalpel.
Then somehow they got me to go in there.
And they took me to the psychiatric hospital.
I felt so alive back then.
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Three times involuntary. The fourth time they told me if I didn’t sign a paper agreeing for 10 days of treatment they were going to have a judge commit me for 30. I spent over 12 hours in the ER that day. I wouldn’t sign the paper.
Finally I signed it. That was the worst I have ever been.
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In the beginning it was okay I think. Then HIPPA laws and ■■■■■■■ loser patients got our freedoms taken away. Now, it isnt like a resort but a prison. I hate it there now. Been outpatient and inpatient over 30 times I think IN THIS LIFE. since, I’m coming back alive via a causal loop or consciousness transfer, or even time travel, I hate mental hospitals now. Figured we live in a computer simulation where I keep coming back alive and I’m aware and cognizant of it. Been there thousands and millions of times possibly in the multiverse or different simulations. It could be a time loop like in movies and video games. I start my life over ad infinitum after my schizophrenia hits in 2013, but it’s possible i came back alive earliest in 2009. I dont think it’s a cloning center…
Even greys would send me to a hell like torment at the mental hospital by sending my consciousness or soul through wormholes and then I would perish a horrible death.
Was it the greys or reptilians or milabs at the mental hospital? This happened hundred to thousand of times because of bad karma.
My step father in a past life was either psychic or a reptilian. He told me weird stuff. I dont feel comfortable talking about it. I wanted to be ‘psychic’ or reptilian like him. He said it would be painful and I was tortured or experimented on hundreds or thousands of times to become psychic, reptilian, or a whatever. It was a different life/universe. I used to be insane but they lessened the psychosis…
In this life and in past lives, hes a great, nice, good step father. I care about him. I found out he did some minor work for the government which I cannot and wont talk about. I think I was targeted because I was a time traveler…
Anyways, that’s my thoughts and it’s possible my schizophrenia severely distorted and twisted my memories and even my reality in my other lives…
I’m better now. Do I blame myself, the greys, or reptilians? Was I power hungry? Was it all a lie?
I just remember my psychic step father could mind control me if I looked or stared into his eyes. Maybe it was an alien in a distant past life. Maybe a vampire?
I remember my past lives. He’s not that guy/person anymore.
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Anyways, I feel ashamed by talking about my memories or delusions. It was real to me in a past life(lives). Schizophrenia is a nightmare/■■■■■!
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I know I sound crazy, but talking about my memories or nightmares or past lives helps me in a recovery oriented way. If not, it would be stuck in my head. I already journaled ■■■■ and even talked about certain (most) things to my doctors and therapists.
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ive done both before. went by myself and went b/c of family
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I was involuntarily hospitalized for three days when I was 19, and then last October I went to the emergency room with family members and rode in an ambulance for two hours to a psych hospital where I spent about a month. Then I came home and was not completely better and called an ambulance and was involuntarily hospitalized for three days that was extended to ten days. I am better now, though I, still get anxious sometimes.
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Also, I cannot blame the mental hospital itself at all. It’s actually pretty good. But the issue was the timelines. They were different and there was an alien agenda behind it I think. Certain things I just don’t want to remember and or talk about. I guess you could say it was a parallel universe or something in a simulation or maybe a different universe or a different computer simulation. I feel like (i’m sure) I’ve been to thousands of different simulations. The aliens told me they don’t exist anymore. They said there are two left and since then, my life has been much better.
I think I’ve been to the other simulation, but don’t like it at all. I like this one a lot and my life has been great besides the residual paranoia I’m still having!
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i think what u mentioned is a delusion, some are too imaginarional as well…
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When i get hospitalized I feel I should go to school
But I cant.because my symptoms causes me to have fatigue reading and lack of reading focus
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That’s what the doctors said, but it felt so real.
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when i am on meds i think so as well…
but it is really not true…i think having more insight by taking meds/CBT can help…
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The hospital that Medicare covers scares me, I get locked up with people who I consider to be out of their minds completely. I always sober up out of my psychosis in these places and do whatever I can to be deemed ready to leave as soon as possible.
I used to go to good hospital wards that I enjoyed, but then I got on Medicare through disability and they’ll only send me to a hospital 2 hours away that has the worst people in it, it’s a nightmare hospital.
Now I live in CA and I’m hoping I’ll never seen the inside of a California psych ward. Hopefully I won’t be hit with any episodes that are beyond my own skill to control.
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so r u in hospital now or u stayed at home ?
Around 20 hospitalizations. All except one involuntary.
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