now that I’ve been through this, my heart goes out to the homeless. I felt homeless for awhile, I wandered around wondering what the hell to do in the shape I was in, the only difference was I hadn’t run out of money.


I was driving around, went to different friends homes, trying to find help. each of my old friends looked at me like i was nut, which i was, suffering from a psychosis at the time. I stayed in hotels. Nobody helped me though is the thing, very sobering experience to know that everyone watched me being crazy, nobody helped, they just let me drive around. I nearly ran my car off the road finally, I left the house without my thyroid medicines, which can be fatal. I don’t have a thyroid anymore, so going without thyroid medicines makes you crazier ontop of the psychosis I already had.

hypothyroidism causes psychosis too, maybe I had a double psychosis - lol

I cannot imagine! I was homeless with money and it was horrible. My heart goes out to those homeless, without money, what a horrible thing.

I felt beat up after being hospitalized. those stupid workers they hire, are high school graduates, all they have to do is pass a CNA exam (about a month of CPR training), and poof they are your nurse’s aid, locking you up, writing down what you’re doing every 15 minutes) I am more horrified being in the hospital trapped with those kind of people too, same as homeless to me. Homelessness without money is even below that.

although I understand the situation, in the hospital I was in they would haul in people all shackeled up (but then they shackeled me up too which I found horrifying). I didn’t deserve to be shackeled up and hauled into and locked up with a bunch of drunks and drug addicts. But that is how the system doesn’t work.

the first time I was hospitalized was horrific as well.

my father was the assistant chief of police in this town. he died last year at age 88. being a police officer, he had his service weapon here.

my wonderful family had me committed on the basis that ‘I was crazy with a gun’. Made it sound like I was out to shoot people with it too. So, when I was in the hospital I was on some double secret probation because it was determined I was dangerous with a gun. Shot me up with so much haldol I was virtually paralized. Then my family took my US mail and had it rerouted, read through all my bank statements but didn’t make my car payment so my car was nearly repossessed.

I’m so ■■■■■■■ angry with my ‘family’ I don’t speak to them anymore.

so, if I’m 48 years old and in the home I grew up with, I’ve been ■■■■■■■ crazy with a gun virtually all my life, now suddenly I have to be locked up like a criminal.

and, at my hearing they left off the part about how my father was a cop, 88 years old, dying and the gun had always been in the house, it was his. the gun was on display on a shelf, it was from the 1940s. Even my kids knew where the gun was and how it had been there on the shelf, yet my wonderful ‘family’ now wanted to portray me as ‘crazy with a gun’ and dangerous.

that’s ■■■■■■■■. I got the Elyn Saks treatment, I was sat on and injected with haldol until I was paralized, put under some type of ‘dangerous criminal’ lockdown in the hospital.

I understand what you are saying and I agree with you, they embellish to get me help.

however, the embellishments are now believed. my child was there watching all of this. many people believe I’m a crazy bitch with a gun now. I’m socially disabled.

I tried to work at the hospital where my EHRs are seen by my fellow computer staff, they freaked out, I saw them. My initial psychosis was recorded as crazy bitch with a gun, hospitalize her.

so, when I had a 2nd psychosis, they shipped me to a hospital in Chicago, 3 hours away, that didn’t help. so when I got out, I left, I was homeless without my thyroid medications.

so now I am socially disabled as much as anything. the stigma is worse than the illness itself. if people have to embellish and lie to get you into the hospital, then it just reinforces the stigma of the disease.

I see I must have upset SurprisedJ so I’ll finish my story. I’m an executive actually, and I’m getting treated like this.

So, after my wonderful family locked me up, lied I was crazy with a gun so that the hospital staff, mostly with highschool educations is all, treats me like a street criminal… I’m now terrified of treatment.

The 2nd time I was hospitalized it was because I’d gone without thyroid medications for so long my brain was totally fried out. I couldn’t pay for a breakfast at Denny’s, $7.95 as I couldn’t get my debit card to work, the bank had blocked it as they thought somebody stole it. So the police came, picked me up, took me to the hospital, where I was locked in a 10x10 concrete room for 7 days, I wasn’t allowed out of this room at all 24x7. The nurses couldn’t hear me, heavey door, like soliatary confinement. Brought me food 3 times a day. They had a hearing, decided I was a danger to myself like SurprisedJ said (why? because I couldn’t pay for my breakfast?), and then hauled me to the psychiatric hospital where I stayed for 5 weeks.

There my roommates were drug addicts for the most part, and a woman who botched her suicide attempt.

another stigma reinforcer is the treatment and the conditions themselves. why is it ok to lock me in a 10x10 concrete room at the hospital behind a heavy door, I felt like I was in prison and treated that way by the staff.

I called to the nurse one day, day 5 of being locked in this damn room, a fat security guard came in with a nurse and held me down shot me with haldol, all I did was insist the nurse get me out of the room and let me go for a walk as the social worker was sick that day and I hadn’t been out.

the social worker walked me 20 minutes a day, 9 am, great, thanks. Food trays were brought in, i’m surprised they weren’t slid under the door like in the prison movies, as that’s how it was.

I had to wait 72 hours for the hearing, then the hearing was done, and then wait another 72 hours after the hearing to get hauled to another hospital. it’s all ■■■■■■■ ridiculous, and the treatment itself is a crime.

the medical and hospital bill for all this was $50,000 and I’m not obligated to pay it because I’m nuts now. It’s the law. It’s a crime in the United States to treat people this way, get away with it, and get paid. ■■■■ them.

geeze, I spilled out my entire miserable story with this disease, it has been the most horrific experience of my life.

ontop of the psychosis itself, I get to watch the people around me freak out, lie, and pretty much treat me like a freak too.

the hospital bill for the inpatient hospitalization where my family claimed I was a crazy bitch was a gun was $30,000. they handed it to me. I had insurance but the insurance denied it. I freaked out (stress) thinking I had to come up $30,000 to pay for this ridiculous stigma crap and false accusations where I’m crazy with a gun and a bunch of inept CNAs treating me like a garbage criminal. I said forget it, I’m not paying. So, medicaid paid the bill.

does that seem right to you? Elyn Saks may have her bills paid for her too, that seems to be how it works.

I’m afraid to try to work again, I cannot help all the ■■■■■■■■ around me if I get sick. I’m not paying for the ■■■■■■■■ treatment I receive when I’m sick, its forced on me, and I wouldn’t treat my dog like that. I see this mess now in health care with this disease. It is not health care, it is horrific.

Very sorry, but I don’t like being directly cussed at. People disagree with me all the time and that is great. But they usually don’t cuss at me when they do it. When I get cussed at I retreat.

Peace be with you. I’m sorry for your severe pain.


I’m not cussing at you, I’m cussing at the situation which I’m grateful that you pointed out. and the situation is that people either lie, or the stigma involved, cuased people to believe that individuals with schizophrenia are dangerous.

and yes, I watched the people lie about my situation. the gun had been in my home, my life, for 48 years, why suddenly when my schizophrenia was ‘outed’ that made me a crazy bitch with a gun and now dangerous. was I dangerous 3 months ago with the gun? I had schizphrenia back then too, nobody knew it was the difference.