I’m so high-functioning that I’m basically a statistical outlier. Professionally, I can run circles around normals and neurotypicals (I have Asperger’s, which gives me an edge in my industry with what I do for a living). Socially, I struggle. Too much stress or time spent around groups of people will wind up my positive symptoms, sometimes badly. I constantly need to limit my exposure to others and keep dialing back my wife who enjoys clumping with her family.
I was originally diagnosed with disorganized schizophrenia and given an extremely poor prognosis. I’ve done well enough since that they’ve bumped me up the scale to paranoid schizophrenia. I’m med-compliant. It takes me longer to crash than other SZs when I go off meds, but I always do. I lose my insight and get overrun by delusions. Then it’s all aliens, all the time. I don’t doubt my diagnosis, haven’t for decades.
Personal situation is that I’m in my fifties, married, have a kid who is about to turn twenty. My wife and I are both working professionals and are comfortably middle-class.
@shutterbug thank you for your reply. When I work I’m really good and always get compliments and support. However I burn out very quickly and bail out when I’m brave enough to do so.
Many of you have shown you are highly functional day to day. I can only aspire to get as stable as possible. I want to work hard and feel deep down I can do it but then my brain just says age over and crash in bed for sometime.
Although I’ve been on the right medicine for my illness I am still in denial but with everyone’s input I could live with the diagnosis as what I have been doing is quite typical I guess. What for others was the key step where you’ve accepted the sickness and how did you respond?
Everyone’s replies have been great and have given me more courage. I appreciate the time and effort you all have spent replying to me and sharing your personal experiences. They have really helped.
I’m high functioning considering my dx. Low functioning if you consider the average person and I’m not really sza. Mid functioning if you factor I have co morbid diagnoses… probably everything I’ve ever accounted for BESIDES Sza, I now believe.
Not that I wanna be separated from the site. However I’d rather be mid functioning person with ocd, anxiety, seasonal depression, ptsd and substance abuse history.
Than a HIGH-functioning sza
I never like to stand out in a crowd I like to be in the middle is what I’m saying lol.
In the end I only have to account for my health and happiness not my diagnosis
I try to maintain a growth mindset as much as possible. If I crash and burn today, that’s okay. I can take what I learned from today and try again tomorrow. Not being able to do something now is not the same thing as not being able to do it never. And in the cases where there is a never in my way, I find something else I can do instead, or I find the edge of never and stick to it hard (my bad heart prevents me from running, but I can still walk, so I walk a lot and can go 10 km easily in one shot).
I expect that I’ll fail when I try things and I think that failing is a good thing. It means I’m striving for growth and that I’m learning things. I’d rather try at something and fail than not try and not learn. I’ve also tried and succeeded, so there’s that!
You can’t go wrong by reading some of Carol Dweck’s work.
I’m pretty high functioning on some parts. I am married for 20 years, have a herd of kids, work a small part time job, and that’s about it. I used to work freelance and supported my family for a decade on my writing.
A major breakdown put the old me in the gutter. I have trouble with stress now and have a hard time doing things due to negatives. But I still function close enough to normal that people are shocked to hear i am sza if I share.
Ppl around me and friends dont even notice that I have sz unless I tell them and even then they have a hard time believing I have sz. I am pretty smart with computers building and repairing etc I could work in a computer shop but since I got sz the only job I was able to do for 1+yr or as long as I am on Latuda was accounting at my mother’s office. Before sz I used to study university full time and work part time. I did 5 semesters of university while on Abilify after my sz diagnosis and got many A’s. I find work much more stressful than university full time.
Now on Risperdal my negative symptoms are horrible but no positive symptoms so ppl cant know if I have sz unless I tell them. In a sense I am high functioning regarding positive symptoms but moderate functioning regarding negative symptoms. All I do now is sometimes hangout with friends, talking to them daily video call and play video games with them online.
Thank you all for your replies and wise words and knowledge. It has given me many facts and ideas of what I can and can’t do and what I will say to my dr about when I see him in a month. My mind has been quite fuzzy lately but you have all helped me see myself and self reflect on this illness. I’m so glad I have found this forum and you all have been willing to share your personal experiences.
It’s 4am and I’m wide awake. Insomnia has been a constant with me since my teen years so that’s no biggy. My family know about my insomnia and let me sleep during the day. This they can accept but the sz diagnosis seems a little harder for them to accept. At the moment there is a lot of stress in the family which is not caused by me and I’m finding it difficult to cope. But I must and give support even though I’m drained.
Anyway again a huge thanks to you all and your replies and time. You have all helped me reflect and given me great insight.
