I found it nearly impossible to create while on antipsychotics. I discontinued all last fall. It was a good decision on many fronts, and I’m happy to say I am doing better than ever. I took clozaril from age 18-28 and then Latuda from early 2012-last September. I completed a 2 year degree in graphic design and even got an academic award for outstanding student. It was very possible to create on Latuda but not on anything else. Since stopping the difference is night and day. I thought I sucked at illustration until that stuff was out of me.
I’ve lost my creativity.
I find it so hard to think about all the things that have helped me in my recovery that don’t involve medication…and how medication made those things impossible. Creativity is huge. Not sleeping 16 hours a day is huge. Being able to go to the gym is huge. I couldn’t do any of those things on the drugs, because of the drugs.
Has medication helped you in other ways?
I don’t know if it is disease that took toll of my happy life or it is just medication, must be a bit of both.
It’s hard to know. The only real way is to remove one of the elements. Plus the disease can make it hard to relate to people. Having a close friend is really helpful but then it’s hard to be close when you know you can’t even explain your pain. It’s like a different language.