The war really screwed me up, after that things just got worse by getting this illness.
Iām genetically predisposed to have amphibian DNA
I believe that the trauma of being close to death, then on dialysis for six years, then having a kidney transplant caused the onset of schizophrenia in my life. I suffer from delusions of reference in particular, but on occasion have suffered a grandeur delusion. I wonāt say what my last one was in case it is a trigger for people. I have not been properly diagnosed but I fit most of the symptoms of early sz. I donāt hear voices but have tactile hallucinations.
Best wishes,
Padster
Yes.
The worst, maybe not the sickest, but the worst of my traumatic events were those, could have only happened once, that my mind could not deal with, my psyche could not process. I immediately lost touch with the reality of my suroundings and then it felt as if an imaginary axe had come down on me and literally split my mind in two and then the nervous and emotionally breakdown immediately followed.
But the original trigger and trauma of all of this I strongly believe to the point of banking on it that I was dosed with a good amount of LSD at the age of three in an attempt to make me forget something I had innocently walked in on.
This I beleive was what later led to splits with self and the fracturing of what Iām now thinking about as of a spiritual/surreally cosmic nature.
I get raped and beaten by my tactiles.
(Expounding on previous post)
With a song go figure.
I remember her, blonde hair, wore these dresses, beer bottles all over the house, weād listen to the stereo loud with the windows open, it was summer. Iād dance with her every time we played Sympathy for the Devil by the Stones.
I remember her, standing at the end of the hall and pulling something out of her purse and giving it to him, I remember it hitting me and then all goes black in an open bedroom closet.
Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name.
Sorry for your lostā¦
1 Like
Abused by my mother for years and I also abused drugs and alcohol in my teens and I also had mental illness all my life and sz runs in the family. I feel like a kaleidoscopic collision.
It canā¦Iāve seen some rape or incest victims develop schizo locally. Really think it has more to do with the opportunistic mental care that just kept pushing until someone cracks up if you had health insurance. The PTSD treatment here is crappy bad!
If you get REALLY upset, sometimes psychosis can start.
If you have voices start in presence of some people, you need to avoid these and just quit talking to them. Psychosis can be situational to company of these people who are probably psychotic themselves and you voices want to order you to mess with the personā¦(I would NEVER follow orders from the voices, but you will meet a whole lot of wimpy people who will follow orders and these end up crazier and back stabbers, some churches are centered around hearing voices but most of the time theirs are called upon to do the wrong thing to others in anti-christ situation.)
Dang, I feel for you. I did art therapy project & threw out a lot of stuff to try to put some of it behind me. In cases of a death, some people do just leave the room as it was left at least for a while until ready to say goodbye.
Some people have gone to churches to heal but increasingly Iām seeing really unethical stuff out of churches, especially if it is big church trying to draw in cityās psychotics quietlyā¦You can end up mugged, stalked, family threatened and harassed by even more people. These situations are so bad in some churches, they are screwing their own family members who wonāt attend the churchā¦I would warn against it unless you already know a few people who have your back upā¦Sad but is running more like anti-christ dirty business network, but good to know.
My parents are not perfect, I accept that I am independent of the parentās and their flaws and try VERY hard not to live with them; however, ended up with them recently after gambling on apartment in iffy area alone. So, happy to be in safe area without that much drama, just verbal harassment by thought broadcasters.
In your situation, I would make a list of every other place you can live, save up some money or sell everything. Craigslist has lots of room/board trades, temporary work, camper trucks/vans, apartments in other areas. Lots of smaller towns have Section 8 apartments available very cheaply without a wait. I would not go alone unless you know a local or some SMALL towns even are ruining females for prostitutes or males getting everything broken/bank raided. You can try to chat to meet a local like Dating4disabled.com or other dating sites like plentyoffish.com.
I have tried these long distance moves recently and got screwed 5 times trying smaller communities as some of the psychotic locals begin to hear your voices and will resist by messing you up, or if you look usable they will pursue with much force for relationship or just sexā¦I am nothing these would want either. Would no longer share walls as the neighbors sometimes try to blast out new ones with crazy stuff/stereo or try to burn it down with cooking fires.
You can usually move 30 minutes without meeting a new group of abusers/thugs, but bad cops can really be a problem so if you ever have contact with cops you need to say you work at Walmart; people on SSDI are being discriminated against for admitting it to cops. I would definitely keep extra money, and another place to stay in case you need to ditch so you can easily leave something going wrongā¦Met lady in hospital who answered ad to work in country for DRās officeā¦Multiple ladies who accepted this job got ruined, called crazy, put on SSDI check and druggie put with her to mooch, cops would lock her up in mental hospital for fighting.
Saw women who bought country property suffer nervous due to memory loss (PTSD issue) and locals tried to put a dick head with her to use her.
Found out campers/travelers were treated to better than people who just moved somewhere so would even think about truck/van camper if you are able & just move around. Keep your care up to date, work when you are able if on SSDI just earn under $700 a month max. If on SSI, would work under table and moving around will affect your Medicaid.
City has been best for me. Chose place on edge of city or suburbs, sadly always a little too expensive. I can get an entry level job within 2 months usually in blogging/marketing/graphic design. Office/call center/ CSR is always available to me as I have lots of experience. Nice landlady at apartment in good neighborhood would even rent to someone who could barely afford the rent but could get job easilyā¦Worked with bad credit too but you needed to pay for couple months of rent up front first.
I hope you find some of this useful. Put your anguish in a special place, store it away and forget it. Work to develop a few happy memories with the parents. Decide who you want to be. Do what you can safely to change your living situation to get a little distance. Develop as normal a life as you can find, study to a PT job, college (there is a lot of discrimination btw so you nee mental care to work with disability support services so you can sue), friends, mateā¦
Is taking too much LSD at once and freaking out count as trauma? It sure didnāt feel good and it triggered my schizophrenia.
I think so, but I donāt think I have full blown schizophrenia. I think I have schizotypal personality disorder, which environmental factors are thought to be a large contributor. Itās a schizophrenia spectrum disorder that is similar to residual psychosis. Little to no full hallucinations, mostly illusions, anxiety, and a bunch of other cognitive things.
Thatās horrible. Mine arenāt like that. āTheyā are very kind. And they can relieve pain.
I agree with Stillperkin that if you get really upset psychosis can start.
Best wishes,
Padster