Happy things make me furious or manically sad

For some reason I have a sharp and immediate downturned response to words that’d usually have a positive connotation like “yay” and to other expressions of happiness like singing happy songs or smiling.

Sometimes it’s just unexplainable sadness, other times the sadness is redirected into anger which I think may be a defense/coping mechanism. The moodswing could give me whiplash it’s so strong. I’d never attack someone, but I’ve turned the anger inward, hitting myself, beating my fists against concrete, or yelling in frustration, beyond the ability to contain myself. The anger has to exist or I’d crumple onto the ground in tears.

Feelings of guilt evoke the same, but even more strongly. The person I live with regularly apologizes for things that aren’t her fault or don’t matter like using the microwave while I’m getting ready to use it. I explained to her that I have reactions like this to her apologies because they make me feel guilty, and she apologized for being the cause.

The reaction is so sudden and painful that she would do less damage punching me instead.

If I were beyond all sanity then I’d say she was trying to make me feel sad and guilty by apologizing for everything.

The point is I’d like to fix feeling this way towards guilt and expressions of others’ happiness, because it’s personally damaging and causes me constant grief. It would be nice to hear if anyone else has similar problems.

welcome to the forum!

Hmm. . .

Be Careful With Your Unwanted Emotions. You May End Up With Chronic Neck Pain. . .

Settle Your Anger & Resentment With The Sky (!!!).

~P.s. Hope, Trust, True Love, Honesty, Joy, And Endlessly Eternal Peace!.~ :owl: :spider_web: :owl:

I used to feel disgusted by jolly, upbeat people. I saw it as a personality flaw and as a lack of intelligence.

Then I did some digging, and realised what really disgusted me was that they so easily felt joy while I had lost faith that I would ever just be happy.
Maybe you could benefit from some therapy to adress why you feel this way.

that may have been your problem, but it’s not mine.
I’ve been to several therapists in the past and they haven’t helped

Quality, not quantity.
It doesn’t matter that you’ve seen several. What matters is how long you saw them, what kind of therapy they provided, and whether or not you were at a mindset where you were open to listening to them

I assure you I’ve done my best to find a good therapist, and have been as open to their advice as possible

multiple years is more than enough time
I started in 2017 and have continued into this year, all of them have been good at their jobs, it’s simply not effective

I don’t want to argue about this

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