For some reason I have a sharp and immediate downturned response to words that’d usually have a positive connotation like “yay” and to other expressions of happiness like singing happy songs or smiling.
Sometimes it’s just unexplainable sadness, other times the sadness is redirected into anger which I think may be a defense/coping mechanism. The moodswing could give me whiplash it’s so strong. I’d never attack someone, but I’ve turned the anger inward, hitting myself, beating my fists against concrete, or yelling in frustration, beyond the ability to contain myself. The anger has to exist or I’d crumple onto the ground in tears.
Feelings of guilt evoke the same, but even more strongly. The person I live with regularly apologizes for things that aren’t her fault or don’t matter like using the microwave while I’m getting ready to use it. I explained to her that I have reactions like this to her apologies because they make me feel guilty, and she apologized for being the cause.
The reaction is so sudden and painful that she would do less damage punching me instead.
If I were beyond all sanity then I’d say she was trying to make me feel sad and guilty by apologizing for everything.
The point is I’d like to fix feeling this way towards guilt and expressions of others’ happiness, because it’s personally damaging and causes me constant grief. It would be nice to hear if anyone else has similar problems.