Gym - unprocessed trauma?

[broken]

Is this depression?

I get intense urge to cry, I tear but stop myself from fully crying. Its ashaming, I don’t want others see me cry. The urges were much more when I went to the gym, I think the gym made my emotions stronger, same for Wellbutrin and when I went off meds or took dopamine boosters. Everytime my emotions come back I want to cry. I think I was depressed before sz I tried to kill myself twice almost successfully, ended up in emergency twice once liver damage from overdose and once from intentional car accident, I really wanted to die. Now on APs I don’t want to die, do APs have antidepressant effect? My pdoc and gp said I don’t have depression but its hard to believe. When I was hearing voices befo…