Our lives are worth living, I attemped suicide many years ago, scars in my wrist are reminders, but for example in 2017 I was full of life, posted my pics, took many pics, now feeling quite good, heading to 2018, our lives are worth living, although sometimes there are ups and down, we just need to have courage, angels are with us.
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I wrote a poem in this morning in Finnish, can not translate it here because my Finnish is 2 X better than my English, any way this poem was about angels who are lifting a man to a new life, new purity, new brighter life … I thought it was good. Angels are with us .
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Haluaisin lukea sitä… Ehkä PM?
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It is on paper in my paper notebook, do not want to write it here, but I think it was good.
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Where is my angel?
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Ok here is my poem in Finnish, I could not translate it …
Runo: Enkelit nostavat
Kun uskoo enkeleihin
ne tulevat ja nostavat turmeltuneen miehen
uuteen puhtauteen
ilman mitään pelkoa
vieden kaiken lian ja saasteen pois
pueten miehen valkoiseen kaapuun
ottaakseen vastaan uuden elämän
paremman elämän
ilman huolia, ilman pelkoja uudessa maailmassa
enkelit niin älykkäät
voitokkaat ilman mitään taka-ajatuksia
ilman turmellusta
nähden tulevaisuuden kirkkaana
kuten uusi auringonnousu kaupungissa
uusissa ihmissuhteissa
vastaten tuleviin haasteisiin kirkkain mielin
totuus on selvä ja niin kirkas
tehden miehestä uuden voittajan
puhtaassa maailmassa kun saasteet ja kieroudet on poistettu
nyt ja ikuisesti
ilman armon anelemista, ilman turmellusta
enkelit ne nostavat miehen uudelleen.
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@Noise how are you?
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Oh I’m ok I’m kinda coming down from the day. I got suspended but today is the first day I’m allowed back and I’m nervous especially since I’m a new user again cause I don’t want to get banned but man the anxiety/paranoia is killing me. But I am trying to stay positive. And I’m sorry for infodumping on you but my week has been really rough cause I relapsed and i flashed back really bad in therapy cause i accidentally spilled some wax stuff on her wall and an alter took over and plus i was so busy with Christmas stuff and I’m super worried about an upcoming appointment I have and I’m sorry I’m rambling and I feel bad for going on but I’m struggling tbh.
Sorry I kind of ranted thank you for asking I hope I’m not being creepy. how are you? Have things gotten better for you at all? Cause I remember you had a problem last time we talked? I hope you’re ok!
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Thank you for sharing @Noise; you’re not being creepy. Sorry you’re struggling - me too.
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Is there anything I can do to help you out at all? I know it’s hard but I really want you to be safe and happy. You can always talk to me whether you just need to vent or you need something. I’m here for you ok!
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@mjseu Nice Poem! Google Translate actually does a decent job translating the poem from Finnish to English. 
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For those who are thinking of ending their life, DON’T DO IT!!! You’ll think differently down the road and you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about. Believe me!! I’ve been where you are. I was hell bent on suicide. I saw no way out of my dark tunnel. I saw no light at the end of my dark tunnel. I was at the bottom of an abyss. And I wanted to die in the very worst way. That’s all I ever thought about. Night and day, 24/7. Suicide and how to do it. I was like that for years and years. Then, my pdoc finally came across the right meds for me that changed everything and my mood flipped like a coin. Just like a coin. And I haven’t been depressed or suicidal since. And that’s been fourteen years ago. I firmly believe that I will never be depressed or suicidal ever again my whole life. I’m 100% sure of it. I’m perfectly content and happy with my life today. And you will be too.
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Thank you so much @Noise. That really means a lot!!! I’m hurting, but promise I’ll stay safe. You’re very caring!!!
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@Skinnyme1 - am I understanding you correct - the meds made the difference and there wasn’t a change in your circumstances?
Did you try many meds before this particular combo?
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The pdocs tried many meds before they finally hit on somethings that worked. I was on higher and higher doses of Zoloft and Lithium but these were just making me worse and worse. It wasn’t until I was taken totally off of these and put on Tegretol and especially Celexa that I finally started getting better and my depression totally lifted up and away.
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There’s just so much beauty, wonder and creativity this world has to offer. I’ll always choose this world.
And when you’re spiraling down the rabbit hole, you’ve just gotta ‘kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight’.
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Can I PM you @Skinnyme1?
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Yes, but how do I answer?
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You can answer by PM, if that is ok with you?
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How do I go to personal message?