Schizophrenia.com

Finished another paper notebook

I started writing on Sept 26th 2020 and it took all these months to complete my notebook. I started writing my journal in Atlanta in Feb 1999 and since then I have completed tens of paper notebooks. Initially I wrote in English, but more recently I have written in Finnish. I like to see my handwriting which is why I use paper and a pen. It is good to express my feelings and thoughts while also writing down any voices and delusions I may have. So I need to buy a new paper notebook. Maybe one day I review all completed notebooks and write a book of my life in the past 20+ years. My entries during my auto living in America might be quite interesting. Exactly 21 years ago today on March 15th I walked out from the office of the lawyer of my former US spouse in Atlanta and drove to Miami and started a new life.

Do you write down your voices, hallucinations and delusions?

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I keep a daily journal. Sometimes I go into thought patterns, mostly just chronical things going on. Always fun to look back at and see how you’ve grown even if a book never materializes

My father found my sister’s journal when she was just a teen and went absolutely mental at her for what she had written Ever since then I vowed never to write my thoughts down on paper and I never have.

@Sarah first your posting made me to laugh, your sister must have written some powerful stuff. But then I thought that it is sad that you can not write down your thoughts. How could you ever write a book if you can not express yourself and write your thoughts down on paper … maybe you can write to a password protected file so that you can keep your thoughts private.

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I don’t write down my delusions because I try to forget them.

I like to write down my delusions. In this way I can understand what is real and what is not. For example, I wrote down in Sept 1999 in New Mexico that I went through some kind of self removal and I wrote that my codename was Juan and that I was a KGB Vladimir NSA Counter intelligent agent. Juan comes from my middle name. This was just a delusion and it helped me to understand more about my illness. Writing can be very therapeutic.

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My journals look like this.

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It’s interesting, actually, that you asked about journals. I started keeping mine in the early 90s, to keep track of symptoms and medicines. I used to write everyday and draw in them, etc. Recently, I went through the old stuff and discovered i was having pretty much the same day for almost 30 years… so i burned a lot of them. I decided I didn’t need to carry the 1990s with me everywhere my soul tread. Burning the old stuff was liberating for me, kinda cleaned my slate. I felt like it was permission to change the narrative a bit.

I kept the artwork, though. Sometimes, when I can’t say it, I draw it. And I feel like the drawings say more than the words a lot of the time.

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I like to keep my journals. I started writing in Feb 1999. Even before that I wrote some journal entries about my activities in the USA. When I started writing more I had some auditory hallucinations. For example, on the voice of Bill Clinton I had voices such as you are low, put a pen down, write a book and similar voices. I chose to write down on paper with a pen because I did not want THEM to read my writings if I had used my computer. So since then I have written tens of paper notebooks. In 1989 I started talking to minitapes in Michigan about my days and life. I had many minitapes that I threw to the garbage appx 10 years ago. I could have saved these tapes.

I hear ya. It’s good to put thoughts down in front of you, and there is something therapeutic about using pen and paper. I still write journals (in fact, I’ve already made an entry this morning), but I got rid of the ones I felt were excess baggage. I think I burned about 57 of them, and it felt good to let go.
But if keeping your old journals is something you find helpful, I don’t recommend going my route.

A few friends of mine were appalled i would do such a thing, but yeah, burned half of them. And it felt good for me. :smiley:

Thank you @mjseu . Yes, it was definitely an invasion of my sister’s privacy. I keep forgetting we now live in a modern world and the chances of anyone reading my written thoughts are nil.

I wish I had the talent/gift to be able to write a book.

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