Thank you so much for sharing. I find myself in agreement with what you’re saying, it makes good sense, but I seem unable to put it into practice. I’m talking about stuff that happened almost 20 years ago. For almost 2 decades I lived guilt-free, and then, all of a sudden, a lightening bolt strikes me and in a matter of minutes I was undone. A few days later I was hospitalised for severe depression, all out of the blue. Many months on I feel I’m getting dangerously close back to square 1.
Thanks for this. I agree. To nearly all of this. It’s helpful. I used to be so negative about me.
You’re being too vague.
I believe this “guilt of being disabled” niche is a very important one. I feel like I can offer some services in it after a few months of learning about how to undo the complex.
I found that I was so hard on myself, blaming myself, guilty of the violence I experienced. I thought it was my fault I was abused.
Growing up, I was the good child, always succeeding, always happy. I was taught that was acceptable. Anything else was bad, don’t do it.
So, you can imagine how bad it was, how painful, to admit that I have mi. Every time I attempted suicide, I felt guilty. Not only for trying, but also for failing at that.
I’m in a better place with myself, now. Sorry. I was vague. I’m having paranoia that people are tracking me online.
I feel a lot of guilt over my past mistakes. It used to be so bad I thought I could never recover. I thought I was a monster, unfit to be around the good people of he world. I’ve come a long way in therapy. I learned this is a common reaction for abuse survivors like me, because we have spent our lives having every tiny mistake punished severely. I don’t know if you’ve survived any abuse in your life, but I do know I relate a lot to what you’re saying.
My therapist gave me this checklist to use when I get unbearably guilty over things.
Click on it to make it bigger. I don’t know if it will help you, but it helps me.
There was a parent in my head saying “You don’t deserve …” and then I went to public school with a lot of poor kids who never had the luxury of a bath or a barber and looked hungry. And I felt guilty because I was well fed and thought I didn’t deserve it. I got good grades but the hungry kids couldn’t concentrate as well. This was before the days of school lunches and far reaching welfare programs. You reach a point where you realize there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s a helpless feeling but the hungry kids’s parents chose to have children anyway so it’s not all my fault.
Look for help, we can all get help!
you need to confess to overcome guilt
Too guilty not to be vague (but as I said, nothing illegal). I’m sorry
Thank you, and I’m glad you’re doing better. This guilt thing is cancer
I just wanted to add that’s how the voices worked through me as well, it was torture.
It began with ‘face your fear’ then moved to ‘face your guilt’ (which lasted over a year for me and put me in emotional breakdowns several times a week).
I eventually moved past the pain by doing my best to first face it & take responsibility (that’s the most painful part- which may be where you are), then seek out the lesson in the mistake, next asked for forgiveness (without casting judgement or blame or excuses), lastly began to forgive the past ‘you’ …it’s a process, and normally guilt has an element of fear in it as well- which is best removed.
I wish you speed getting past it to a day when your memories have far more enlightenment than pain. It’s not an overnight process to help yourself heal. If you ever want to vent more you can PM me.
Thanks! I’ll keep trying to forgive myself
Honestly, it helps me to tell my mistakes to a trusted person, and have them reassure me that it was not a horrible, irredeemable thing. All human beings make mistakes, and all human beings have the capacity to learn and grow. As long as you are learning and growing, and committing yourself to doing better in the future, you’re doing okay. Sometimes, that means trying to make amends to the person you hurt. Sometimes it means telling them you know you were wrong, and that you’re sorry, and then accepting their answer, whatever it may be. Sometimes, there is nobody to apologize to. Sometimes, the guilt comes even though you did nothing wrong. In those cases, that checklist I posted can really help.
You have to be HUMAN to feel guilty !!!
I feel bad in that I do not know how to deal with my situation, but a lot of people would not know what to do. I wish I was a better daughter, student and person.
They say you are as sick as your worst secret. Don’t think you have to share with everyone but is definitely something you should take to someone who is in authority to forgive. Don’t really know any other way in my experience. Spiritual health or lack of it is a real thing and has effected every part of my life in good and bad ways throughout my life. My guilt is always because I feel unforgiven.
I agree, alas, my ‘normal’ side is not religious, and the one that it is, isn’t normal. I guess I do believe sin and guilt too much for my own good. Yes, spiritual health is key
I have no problem telling people my mistakes. Afterall, they’ve helped shape me into the person I am now and help people understand me better. I’ve learned not to feel guilt or shame for what has happened, especially since it wasn’t something I did diliberately. It was actually completely out of my control. This is the mistake that consumed me:
In a nutshell… I lost my (dad’s) family house to foreclosure. It was kind of crazy. I was only $3268 behind in mortgage payments and made arrangements with the bank to wire 50% of the balace which was $1634 once I got my taxes back (in 2011). I confirmed the instructions with the bank right before I wired the money, which would leave my outstanding balance as $1634. HOWEVER…3 days after I wired the money, the bank wired the money back to me and put my house in foreclosure! NO JOKE… They literally put my house in forclosure over $1634. There is a lot more to it, but needless to say, my dad’s side of the family turned against me and I’ve been an outcast ever since. In fact, when my dad passed away, only ONE of my cousins from that side of the family even called me…no other family member did. But my guilt from that and how it affected my family literally consumed me because I’ve always been so close to them and loved them so much. It totally ripped my heart out because it was completely out of my control. That’s why I had to create my list (in my earlier post).