My voices tell me go to kill myself everyday. They talk about me calling me a “bald-headed ■■■■■” (because I am bald on the sides of my head and they know this) they call me a 2 year old, that I’m ugly and fat and I stink. I have a male voice in my head that likes to say they want to strangle/shoot me and cause me to have a heart attack if I don’t do what it says
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Lol I find it funny how your voices respond to you that they are sleeping when they clearly aren’t capable of such human actions. That one got a chuckle out of me. Voices can be comedians sometimes
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Haha yeah i was like wtf how is this possible 
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Mine did the same when I had them. Mostly they just analyzed when I didn’t listen. But when I actively listened which I hardly ever did they would build me up making me feel grandiose then when I quit giving them attention would harass me. I always felt like it was a trick.
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Yeah later on after id been tricked a few times Id start paying attention to them again and they were luring me in with a bunch of future business information
then out nowhere theyd be like “trust us but you know when you least expect it then we will ■■■■ you up”
then there laughing and another voice was like “yeah he knows this piece of ■■■■” or whatever
then id just be like ■■■■■ off” and theyd say it back then they would quiet down lol.
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They were trying to convince me to build a desalination plant. Then theyd claim they knew all the chemistry and parts required so they had me googling all sorts of ■■■■ which eventually was just a rabbit hole to get me to do more dumb ■■■■.
I learned over time they would basically bring up info in a strange way about something i read like several months prior. They would bring it out as some sort of revolutionary knowledge that i was chosen to receive.
You can see the core delusion is basically a messiah or prophet delusion and being “chosen” which is to feel special.
It was complex ■■■■ to dismantle it took me like 10 years to dismantle this delusion although theres still a hint every now and then of ‘what if it really was possible?’
But i shrug it off best i can.
Since i abandoned religion they changed their tactic and went towards beings from another world or just special access from my brain.
I dont deal with this stuff much at all any more its quite rare.
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That was part of one of numerous episodes I had. Looking back on it Im still surprised i just have a bipolar dx considered how much psychosis Ive had.
I think that desalination plant one was roughly around the time i couldnt cope much anymore and i ended up finding this site.
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Yeah I don’t hear voices on perphenazine, but even when I did I never actively listened. It took effort to sit there and listen to it then it’d f me up. I was a strange sort of grandiose when I was first ill. Not special powers but the whole city was in on what was going on with me.
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Well its good to hear your voices stopped. Its pretty tiring to deal with.
I was unmedicated for about 8 years. My family was a bit anti psychiatry so they said i could just vent to them whenever i needed to. I saw one pdoc around 2011 and she didnt explain anything just offered me 3 meds and sent me out at the hospital.
So that didnt go well and we decided i wouldnt bother with that.
I also got obsessed with niacin from reading about dr abram hoffer. Messed up my stomach lining for a while from that and my liver values were way up for a few years.
Haha that reminds of my 2nd episode where 'god ’ had me write in code on how i wasnt schizophrenic and that i was sent forth to bring new knowledge to the world. That episode was litterally complete insanity.
At some point The voice took over my feet and hands while i was driving and i was flying through red lights and stuff it was intense. Im so lucky i never hurt anyone or myself. They said i was on a driving test, i had to put this huge 40 inch crt tv in the back of my truck and it wasnt allowed to smash around or id fail the test.
Oh man its just so baffling it seems like a made up story but i dont even know how i could ever make something like this up.
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When i smoked high thc weed i was nearly catatonic while driving went through red lights. Also once i drove for a bit with eyes closed luckily the street was empty
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I found an old post i made. If your ever bored have a read. My dad suggested i make a book from it, but then he read it and said he wish hadnt read it lol but hes my dad so i understand.
It has religious delusions so thats why i mentioned it might be triggering for some people.
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Oh yeah i think anyone with psychosis issues, their brain is not compatible with marijuana. I hallucinated from weed every time i tried it.
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I’ll read it. 151515
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I couldnt look straight, everytime i smoke thc my eyes look up and cant look straight. My feet and hands froze couldnt move them sometimes. Another time after thc i sat on couch in dark and stared the ceiling without moving including my eyes for over an hr, once i was catatonic and my parents were yelling as i wasnt aswering them or moving. This happened without thc but only during first psychosis. I stopped meds for 2yrs never got catatonic unless i used thc
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Huh I had some crazy stuff kinda like that happened. My voices never told me they were my brain. That part was actually kinda scary. But I did a lot of things that weren’t at all normal behaviors when I was psychotic. A funny one was I thought I had to buy honeybuns so I’d go to different gas stations to eat one. I had a ton of these weird delusional activities though. I’m also glad nothing terrible happened. I’m glad I read that though.
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Yeah its bizarre eh. Sometimes i just think about old episodes every now and then to remind myself i didnt fake it. Cuz sometimes i thought maybe i just tricked myself and it was all nothing.
But when i revisit it its clear something was definitely wrong lol
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You think catatonia is a sz symptoms? I think it used to be many years but not anymore. Now they’re separate illnesses with different treatments, I even read APs can make catatonia worse
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Yeah i saw like weird hallucinations on weed. I saw some cartoon characters on the wall like a man pushing a wheelbarrow. My blanket turned into a mountain of skulls. The poster on the wall was a lady and her tongue kept lashing out at me. I could hear everyone in my ears.
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Oh yeah no I was pretty messed up during my breaks. At one point cause I visually hallucinated 24/7( everything was super colorful and vibrant like on acid) I thought I was gonna be a rock star and could make people see what I could see through my music. Lol
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Yeah im not sure. Ive had slowed motor skills for sure. Feels like your stuck in molasses. Just shuffling my feet slowly in the grocery store stopping in one place for 20 minutes just slowed right down.
Welbutrin oddly made me almost catatonic. Id just sit and stare at the wall and do nothing
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