WOW, things got pretty intense here last night…
@Milly, I also worry I won’t be able to cope with the unavoidable hardships of life, especially after my aging parents become disabled or pass away. I do have friends who could help to an extent, but I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. As for kids, I don’t think I ever seriously considered having them, even before the illness, so right now they are out of the question. I like kids though, but I get tired when playing with them for an hour or two, I can’t imagine myself being a good supportive parent while also dealing with my own deep sh!t.
As @Wave said, it is what it is. You either have sz, or bp, or something similar. Don’t waste energy on what you can’t change.