Like get up and draw every day, or play video games every day, or cook every day. Why is doing things as a routine so freakin hard. I have some moderate skill as an artist but i rarely draw. I just think about all the steps you have to take to get ready, and the time it takes to draw to finish. And i talk myself out of it.
I just wish i could be like my brother. He says he is gonna do something and he does it.
Yeah. I spend most of my time outside on the porch swing. Wishing i was doing something but having no interest in actually taking the steps to get it done. Its so frustrating.
I miss having a job. I do the same thing. I am too stressed out and depressed to do most things. Because my needs aren’t taken care of. Because I don’t have enough to do and I don’t socialize enough.
Im like fuming mad right now. I printed out these pictures of my dogs to draw. I need to do a couple things before i draw them. Like measure out a grid and convert it to bigger paper. Its not hard. But i just dont feel like doing it. Some days i have no trouble. Other days, like today, its like pulling teeth.
When not doing it becomes harder than doing it you’ll get it done. Hopefully. I heard that in Narcotics anonymous. I spent over a decade unable to write and I was doing nothing else, I just couldn’t. I’d go and sit in a convenient store that had chairs and tables and listen to the bare naked ladies on my mp3 and I wasn’t happy at all. One day I say and wrote a little and the people that worked there were visibly happy for me.