Do you consider yourself the same person as before developing your MI or has it changed you significantly?

DX'd - Sz/SzA
21

I used to excel at things I used to do before developing schizophrenia. I was an AP student in high school and got decent grades without much effort. I also improved at things I liked to do like video games pretty quickly. I had some good friends.

After I developed sz I had a extremely hard time with school and grades and found my performance decline in other things. I also felt unfocused to do things like play games, read, socialize, study etc. In the first several years I also had major psychosis and was in and out of the hospital, couldn’t go to college etc. There were times I was wandering outside without purpose and a bit manic. I’ve come a long way since then but its been a lot of hard work with minimal success compared to the amount of effort I put in. I’ve graduated college after over 10 years of being in school and have a job but it’s not what I dreamed of or expected as a child/teenager.

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22

Sz has changed me alot,

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23

I’m the same but…my quality of life is just so much worse lol like hearing voices all day. It’s like what a waste of a day. I don’t get to do all the things I want to anymore . But I know that gold has to be refined to be pure so… i accept it.

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24

I’m similar to what you said, @Bowens.

I’m the same person, mostly. I did recently have some opinions change, some ways I think about the world have changed, maybe some other things have changed. But that was unrelated to my schizoaffective. More of just an evolution of myself.

But I’m still the same person, inside.

:rainbow:

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25

I’m a strange case. As a youth I never read books and got by in school without trying at all. I got by purely on Imagination. When I got sick at 17 I was convinced my problem was a lack of concentration and I began to memorize poems in the hospital. I struggled with concentration and comprehension for many, many years. Now I’ve got a cosmic intellect though a darkened vision. I had a very enjoyable relationship with a girl at 18-19 but gave up sex which was good because it made me a bad guy. I went off my meds then and reverted back to my childhood when my personality was erased. I have not lived up to my potential, but who has? Beethoven? He sucked at romance too. I pride myself on not looking down on anyone, how can I, I was a supernova and now I’m just a nebula. I’ve got aspirations to be a good musician and I love to entertain.

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26

Before sza, I was prodromal and had a terrible case of bulimia that lasted eight years. The bulimia ended quite coincidentally the year I had my first psychotic break in 1983.

And that was the same year I started nursing college. I was a very hard driving, all out go getter back then.
And I was determined to succeed against all odds.

I was attending uni three quarter time, working half time, raising a two to six year old, and dealing with poverty, and a sexually and physically abusive husband. I endured all that and graduated in five years, got my divorce, joined the military, took my child and left the state.

It was after working as an RN for ten years, and very suicidal and psychotic, that my diagnosis of sza was discovered and I lost my RN license. This was 30 years ago before the protections of the ADA.

I then, three years later, received SSDI benefits for both myself and my child. I was still severely depressed, suicidal and psychotic and no longer fit for work. This was 1996.

My son and I moved back to our home state due to my extreme suicidality and I got a bit better due to the move.

In 2000, my son graduated from high school and he developed symptoms of psychosis and was diagnosed with sza. In 2001, he was admitted to a state psych hospital for a stay of nine months and came out symptom free. He told me he wanted to study martial arts so, I enrolled him in a karate school.

In 2005, my father was scheduled for major heart surgery and he thought he was going to die. Before he did, he wanted to apologize to me for all the physical, mental and sexual abuse he perpetrated upon me. I forgave him. This brought me tremendous healing.

Also, that year, I became confirmed and found my Higher Power. This also brought incredible healing and my suicidal depression has completely vanished ever since. I was still psychotic however.

It was about this year that my son’s psychosis returned with a vengeance never to go away again. In 2011, he committed suicide. May he RIP.

It wasn’t until 2016 that my pdoc added Seroquel to my Risperdal Consta and Geodon mix. That was the solution to my 33 year long psychosis hell.

Thanks for reading.

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27

I worry more easily.

I try to plan ahead more now.

Time feels more precious now

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28

Not missing the bad parts pre medication is different from wanting to avoid them at all cost. Personally think I should try to avoid hell for example but I am not sure I can avoid it. Its just not something I can handle long term, but there is no escape.

29

I would say I have changed somewhat over the years. But after all of this I am still somehow the same being. So I have not changed into a different entity - I am still who I used to be I think. If I could somehow
steer the change… but how I am in the moment is more controlled from what happened before. That is too bad because sometimes I want to be more like “that” and less like “that”.

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30

I have always had some sort of disorder. Things sure have been made difficult, but I am doing ok much of the time - for the most part.

SZ specifically, I was on drugs from age 11, then when I stopped that ended up just getting psychosis a lot.

Things have never really been settled for me

I will say though I have been humbled somewhat by my experiences for sure

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32

it has made it impossible for me to do some of the things i could before.

my emotional wavelength has also changed.

i sort of miss the old days and ways but alas… judy

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33

I was always a no life and labeled as crazy and angry since kindergarten so not really.

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34

i can empathize with you arcsaber. judy

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35

I’m doing better today than where I was before I got this illness.

It takes time to recover and find the right meds but it’s possible to get better.

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36

I lost lots of self confidence since I got sz. So no I am not the same person.

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37

I cant even trust my own mind. I trust my little brother more than I trust myself.

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38

I first had psychosis at 17 so i was basically a child a few years before that so i never really developed a non sz self as an adult.

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39

It has changed me for the worse. I’m not as attractive, smart or physically well.

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40

It changed me mentally. I see the world a little different now after all my expereinces. My new meds have made a big difference but I am not the same person I used to be, I’m functional intellectually but emotionally I’m just not there anymore. I’m also 43 and older now so that probably plays into why I am a little different too.

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41

I feel like a shell of my former self sometimes… but… not all the time!

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